The Daily Tannenbaum

For starters, thank you all so much for your kind words on the last post.  It meant a lot to me and my family.  (They all read the blog, you know.)

Going up to Rochester was as I expected.  The drive was long, but the family time in the van was fun.  We played word games and fiddled with the satellite radio, and ate at the diner on Route 17 that both my parents used to go to, even before they met. When we got there, it was cold and snowy.

It was nice to see my aunt, uncle and cousin, who all bear a striking family resemblance, and haven’t changed much in the years since I’ve seen them.  We actually did have things to talk about, despite being from such different places.  Because there’s a good chance we may never see each other all together again, I’m glad we were all able to make the trip, even for a sad occasion.

My grandfather was entombed with my grandmother after a minister gave a few readings and my father said some lovely things about the opportunities that his dad gave to all of his kids and grandkids, who all got to go to college, unlike grandpa, who missed that opportunity when he enlisted in the Marines to fight in World War II.

And as for me, I wasn’t very sad, but I have been thinking about mortality a lot more in the past few days.  I wish that I could believe that there’s something more after we die.  I would love to get to meet everyone again in the next life, or get a chance to do or say some things over again.  But there’s only one certain thing about death, and it’s that no one has ever come back from it to tell us what’s there.  So I believe that it’s important to live life as if it’s going to be 100% over when it’s over. To me, that means making each moment important, and treating people like I would have them treat me.

I don’t always follow that belief, because there are many things I’ve said or done, that even while I’m saying or doing them, I regret.  There are friends and family that I don’t call enough despite enjoying their company, and people who have touched my life, and I’ve never told them.  This event was a good reminder that the living years are all we have, and we best use them wisely.

Since I was already in a contemplative sort of mood and at the mall on an unrelated mission, I saw “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” last night.  I thought was great, especially for how I was feeling.  We’re all getting older (goodness, I turn 31 next week, and I feel like the gray hairs and wrinkles just got the party invite.)  In this movie as you probably know, Benjamin Button gets younger, but just in his body.  His life begins as a blank slate full of wonder and curiosity, and he becomes wiser as he becomes younger.  It’s more than just a gimmicky plot device, it’s a fascinating way to look at a life, and the trappings of the few years we get.  I highly recommend it if you have three hours to kill.

I know I said it before, but thanks again for your kind words, and I’d like to repay the favor by taking some time to catch up on all the blog reading you guys left me over the past two weeks!

It’s true what they say, once you turn away from the blogosphere for a few days, it’s like being gone for a year.  There’s no way I could possibly sum up the holidays other to say that they were festive, fun, and full of family and friends.  I may just leave it at that, because I also haven’t read a single blog in about two weeks.  But that was in exchange for really enjoying my real life, so that was a happy thing.

In the sad news department, on New Year’s Eve I got word that my last living grandparent, my father’s father, had passed away.  Of all my grandparents, I was the least close to him, mostly because he was an extremely introverted man.  Twelve years ago, my grandma died and took his heart.  A few years after that, con artists took his money.  And a few years after that, dementia took his mind.  And now time has taken his body.  It’s terribly sad for someone go in parts like that, and I know it’s been hard on my father who has had to work with his siblings to make arrangements from eight hours away.

On Friday me and my family are going up to Rochester for a small service and to see my only aunt, uncle and cousins.  We all live all over the place, and no one keeps in touch very well.  I actually know the decedents of my great-great grandfather’s half-siblings (on my mother’s side) better than these folks, who are my more immediate extended family.

But still, there is this odd thing, relations.  I really don’t know them at all, and from what I do know, we have very little in common.  But I’m still looking forward to seeing them just because we do have the same ancestors, and I’m curious to see how much they’ve changed since we’ve last seen each other.

As for my grandfather, I’m sorry he had so much suffering in his last years, and I appreciate the part of him that wanted to hang on despite that.  Over the Christmas holiday, I was telling my mother that even though I don’t believe a supreme being intentionally created all of this, I do think the fact that it happened is amazing.  The chance that any one life can actually make it to frution goes against all odds.  But yet it does, and that needs to be revered.  There is a little spark of something magic in life, that even when explained by science, is still extremely special.  I’m really grateful to have this chance to give it a go, and grateful to my grandparents for being good parents to my parents, and I can’t believe that I now have none left.

What I wouldn’t give to go back to a Christmas day twenty-five years or so, the last time all four of them were alive in a room together.  I’d like to tell them thanks.