*That’s the title of a recent Deborah Norville book about the power of saying “thank you” but every time I see that title, I put an invisible comma between the last two words and read it as her thanking power. I’m not sure what kind of power, be it political, electrical or higher, but it cracks me up.
Speaking of thanks, I want to rehash something I heard years ago on NPR. (I can’t find a source.) I was thinking about it because I keep thinking “thank you” to all the people who have supported me in my quest to raise money for The River Pool. Big thanks to everyone, because I made it to $100 by the deadline! Now to see if I make it to the $200 mark…
One time, on NPR, I heard a guy talking about what to say when someone says “thank you.” His conclusion was the only proper response is “you’re welcome.” To say that someone is welcome means that the favor was gladly received, and that the gratitude of the person receiving the gesture is accepted.
If you say, “don’t mention it,” that’s a command telling the person they shouldn’t have said what they just said.
If you say, “it was no problem,” you’re implying that the favor was a problem, but now you’re denying it.
If you say, “no thanks are needed, I was glad to do it,” you’re saying that you would have done it anyway, and the person’s thanks are superfluous.
If you say, “forget it,” you’re brushing off the other person.
If you say, “no, thank you,” you’re deflecting the gesture, speeding up the exchange, and making it about you.
If you say, “my pleasure,” it sounds like you only did the favor so you could get something out of it.
But when you take that extra moment to say, “you’re welcome,” you telling the other person you accept their thanks, and that person has been gladly received. It’s not only the best response, it’s the only one. And I think of that every time someone says thank you and I completely forget the rule until a moment too late. I’m a “no problem” kid, with the exception of when someone says, “thank you very much” and I say, “you’re welcome very much.”
Posted by Stefanie on July 10, 2009 at 8:17 am
Maybe we heard the same NPR piece, because I remember hearing that explanation somewhere as well, and I always forget that rule and say “Sure” or “No problem,” too. In any case, you’re welcome! Have fun doing the swim.
Posted by Allie on July 10, 2009 at 11:55 am
That’s really interesting. I’m a big “no prob” kind of person too. I don’t think I mean that it was actually a problem and I’m denying it though. Unless I have some deep-seated issues I’m unaware of. That would be surprising though, because I’m pretty aware of my deep-seated issues.
Posted by Jennifer M. on July 10, 2009 at 1:33 pm
I too am a “no prob” kind of person. Especially at work. I feel like I don’t need to be thanked for doing the work that is in my job description – my paycheck is the thanks I’m looking for. But then I always say thanks as the tail end of assigning a task to one of my team. . . Oh well, it’s Friday so I won’t ponder too much. But, you’re welcome!
Posted by courtney on July 10, 2009 at 9:48 pm
I once had an employer who banned us from saying “no problem” to a customer, for the exact reason you listed there. It was a really hard habit to break. I say “no problem” all the time.
Posted by rdl on July 11, 2009 at 8:22 am
Great post! Thanks!
Posted by wellthenhowaboutthisone on July 11, 2009 at 9:40 am
“If you say, “it was no problem,” you’re implying that the favor was a problem, but now you’re denying it.”
I disagree. To me, this simply means what it says: “Doing the favor was no problem to me.” No prob!
JD at I Do Things
Posted by cadiz12 on July 11, 2009 at 7:27 pm
in the midwest, a lot of people say “uh huh.” i’m not even sure how to interpret that.
Posted by Anika on July 15, 2009 at 1:46 am
So interesting! Thanks for sharing.
Posted by jennifer on July 17, 2009 at 2:18 am
I think I’ve used ALL of those phrases and will be a ‘you’re welcome’ kind of girl from now on – don’t want to send mixed messages.
It was wonderful to hear from you. Hope you have a nice weekend.