Crisis.
I am out of coffee.
Money is tight, I don’t want to pay for a cup.
If I don’t get coffee, I will fall asleep at my desk today. That is not so much a problem but for the fact that my desk is very uncomfortable, and I will wake up with a stiff neck.
Also, my co-workers might draw a penis on my face or something, although that is doubtful since I don’t work in a college fraternity house.
I must get coffee.
The Muddy Cup would be my first choice, but they have mysteriously closed the location near my house.
On my way to work, I will pass a Starbucks and a Dunkin’ Donuts. Both allow me the option of a drive-thru, a nice convenience on this bleary day.
If I chose Starbucks, I will have to go through my regular anxiety of hating their naming system. I want a medium coffee, dammit. I don’t want to have to play along by saying “grande.” But if I say “medium” that makes me sound like a picky, whiny snob who cares way too much about personal freedoms in ordering coffee. But if I say “grande” then I feel like a tool for playing along with the evil coffee empire.
I will go to Dunkin’ Donuts where “medium” means “medium.” Decided. However! Going there means that I have to make that awful left turn on to a busy street on the way back to work. I hate that left turn. It’s close to a major intersection, and people are always shooting out of the gas station across the street, and nice drivers wave you in, not realizing that if you go at that moment, you’ll get hit by an oncoming car. Then they get mad when you don’t respond to their wave, and drive away with a sneer. I’m just not in the mood to deal with that left turn. I will go to Starbucks.
Maybe, if I’m lucky, the Starbucks barista (another word I hate, and one with is not recognized by Firefox spell check) will give me a free sample of whatever confection they are pushing today. But they usually only give those to people who go into the store, and I was hoping to drive-thru. I suppose I can get out of the car. But what if I do that, and they’re not giving out free samples? What will be the point of getting out of the car? It’s a gamble. I’ll just hedge my bets and go to Dunkin. America runs on it, supposedly. It’s the patriotic choice.
Oh, but such temptation to order a donut with my coffee! Maybe if I stay in my car, I will have the fortitude to just say “medium coffee, black” and not slip in the words “with a cruller.” But those pictures on the ordering board are so tempting! Last time I pep-talked myself into not ordering a donut, and I ended up with hash browns. Not because I really wanted them, but because I wanted to reward myself for not ordering the donut. I cannot guarantee that I will do the same this time. But if I do accidentally order something bad for me, maybe I will get lucky and get hit by a car while trying to make the impossible left turn and thereby will not have to eat the fattening treat that would have only given me ten minutes of happiness. But last time I was in the hospital, someone brought me donuts. So major injury does not guarantee healthy eating.
I will go to Starbucks.
No.
Dunkin’ Donuts.
Blast!
I could go to that little coffee shop a few miles up the road. I’m already going to be five minutes late for work, what’s another ten? Wasn’t I just telling everyone to shop local anyway?
Arg. I’m really late now.
I just get my car and point it in a direction. If I’m going to be ten minutes late for work, I might as well be twenty minutes late for work.
And here I am at the grocery store, buying a bag of coffee. And here I am going home to brew it. And here I am arriving thirty minutes late for work with a fresh-brewed cup of coffee in my Muddy Cup (may she rest in peace) mug. And while I’m already thirty minutes late, why not take another thirty to document the tale?
Posted by 3carnations on December 16, 2008 at 10:12 am
You might need to start keeping a list of items you need…maybe call it a grocery list. Perhaps then you could avoid this crisis in the future.
Snarky. I do not have a problem knowing what groceries I need, but I haven’t had a time to do a shop since getting back from being away all weekend.
Posted by jason on December 16, 2008 at 10:13 am
time to buy a coffee pot for the office.
Then I might have to share. No good.
Posted by Abby on December 16, 2008 at 10:29 am
Sounds like me (especially hating the left turns) except I would never let myself run out of coffee. Also, we have free coffee, tea, and hot chocolate here at work. I don’t think I would make it through DD without a D, either.
I usually have coffee on hand at all times, but I have been getting it from a special source, and I forgot to ask the source in time.
Posted by SisterAlyson on December 16, 2008 at 10:35 am
why do you even need coffee when you sleep 10 hours/night, plus naps after work?
As per our email discussion, you now know that I never get enough sleep, 8 hours is when I’m super lucky.
Posted by deutlich on December 16, 2008 at 10:48 am
coffee is UTTERLY important. I completely understand that you had to do what was right.
Word. It’s allowing me to type these very sentences at this moment.
Posted by Vicious Headbutt on December 16, 2008 at 10:51 am
Priorities, priorities, priorities.
Exactly.
Posted by mickey on December 16, 2008 at 10:56 am
Perfect solution, master problem-solver. Work can wait.
Last time I was in that situation I resorted to one of those single-serving packets of sawdust/coffee swiped from a hotel room and hiding for a year in the back of the pantry for just such an occasion. Imperfect solution. Nasty shit.
I have one of those in my pantry! I actually forgot it was there.
Posted by Dutchess of Kickball on December 16, 2008 at 10:59 am
Hold up! The Muddy Cup closed? When?
A week ago, but just the one location.
Posted by Allie on December 16, 2008 at 11:01 am
Oh, I totally remember those mornings where you just can’t make yourself get where you need to be when you need to be there.
And once you’re sort of late, it’s like “why not be all the way late.”
Posted by Sophia on December 16, 2008 at 11:40 am
i remember the days when i would run late because i was waiting for my coffee to brew. of course, i didnt think to start the brewing when i woke up.
i dont really drink coffee on my way to work – only when im at work so ive switched to instant coffee which i can brew with the hot water from the water cooler.
you should try it. i use mount hagen instant organic coffee because it is very tasty, organic, cheap, and quick – how all good things come.
they come in single serves so i store some at my desk and pop some in my bag.
trust me, they are a time saver and they are cheaper than going to starbucks and dunkin donuts every morning.
good luck!
If you want to send me some samples, email me for my address!
Posted by 3carnations on December 16, 2008 at 11:43 am
Oh, I wasn’t trying to be snarky. I was being playfully snide. Are we about to have one of our “misunderstandings”?
I rarely get to do a fully shopping trip. I go several times a week to get things we need. Somehow it’s easier for me that way.
It’s a fine line, snarky and snide…
Posted by neuteronomy on December 16, 2008 at 11:53 am
This may be the greatest blog entry in the history of blog entries.
Damn, that’s a lot to live up to! Thanks!
Posted by bing on December 16, 2008 at 12:01 pm
I always feel stupid ordering at Starbucks because of the dumb names. I have to pay a lot of attention to make sure I don’t mess it up. Now I want a gingerbread latte…
I can’t believe they have kept that stupid naming system. Does anyone like it?
Posted by erikka on December 16, 2008 at 12:02 pm
this sounds like me on a “what the hell do I wear to work” day.
don’t forget to use 30 minutes to tell us the outcome.
Oh yes, sometimes I wish I could just wear a uniform.
Posted by Man Of Action on December 16, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I was in a Starbucks on 57th street the other day and they were playing Tony Bennett on the radio. And Tony Bennett was there, too. Getting coffee. For which he paid cash.
Uncle Tony does love his coffee. That’s pretty funny.
Posted by Kristabella on December 16, 2008 at 12:33 pm
I love, love, love Dunkin Donuts coffee. So I would have gone there. But I would have been running late because I would have taken 17 photos of myself and my outfit for today for The Working Closet and they all would have sucked!
Yet another reason I can’t participate in those things.
Posted by courtney on December 16, 2008 at 12:38 pm
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time! Well done, my dear.
In the war between coffee and work, coffee always wins. The sooner the world learns that, the better off we’ll all be.
Without coffee, there is no work.
Posted by nancypearlwannabe on December 16, 2008 at 12:40 pm
It’s a good thing you got your coffee in the end or you probably wouldn’t have had the energy to blog about it!
Also, it takes you 10 minutes to eat hash browns? Those would give me four minutes of happiness, tops. And that’s IF they were cooked right.
What I meant was, for 10 minutes after eating, I feel happy. Then my insides rebel, and the good feeling ends.
Posted by Vanessa on December 16, 2008 at 1:03 pm
And here I was all ready to mail you a bag of coffee!
You still can!
Posted by Kelli on December 16, 2008 at 1:27 pm
This post had me giggling outloud at my desk. I usually go through the same mental question but my decision is based on proximity to the T.
Do you ever have the “get coffee before or after boarding the train” debate, then? I used to in my subway days.
Posted by Brando on December 16, 2008 at 2:35 pm
You chose wisely. After all, what would be better for your employer — a full day of groggy, inefficient work, or 7/8 of a day of peppy, coffee-powered work?
The wheels of white collar commerce are lubricated by caffeinated beverages. Therefore, caffeine trumps all other rules and requirements.
Posted by lizgwiz on December 16, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Life is so hard, isn’t it?
Posted by Lara on December 16, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Oh my. That was quite a dilemma! I have a similar version of that on a regular basis, but involving Diet Coke (fountain or bottled? Dammit, why didn’t I remember to bring one from the case at home? Or should I just buy a 12-pack of cans at the drugstore near my office, even though I prefer bottles to cans?). Sigh.
Posted by Musing on December 16, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Loved following your train of thought!
The turn would have decided it for me. I am a resolute avoider of left turns.
Posted by Knot on December 16, 2008 at 8:15 pm
You’re a woman, you should be able to get whatever you want. Wink at a guy in line, flirt a little, show a little cleavage. What woman hasn’t done that?
Coffee should be easy.
Knot
Posted by Stefanie on December 16, 2008 at 11:14 pm
I love it when you document your brain going into overdrive (mostly because it reassures me that I’m not the only one who has these battles in my head).
The solution at Starbucks is to order by ounce size. “I’ll have a 16-ounce blah-blah-blah.” (Is that any better? No? Well, I tried.)
Posted by Hope on December 17, 2008 at 8:39 am
This was a great post.
Posted by ashley. on December 17, 2008 at 11:30 am
Well, hello there.
I just stumbled across your blog.
And because of this clever post: I WILL BE BACK!
You’re stealing my thoughts. I’ve totally had that conversation with myself before.
Posted by apollocreed on December 17, 2008 at 12:54 pm
I don’t like coffee.
Posted by The Modern Gal on December 17, 2008 at 9:25 pm
This is exactly the kind of reasoning that goes through my head every morning, making me at least 30 minutes late every day.
Posted by Peter DeWolf on December 18, 2008 at 7:37 am
You should live someplace where there is a Tim Hortons.
Posted by Little Fish on December 18, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I realize that I’m very late on this comment, but perhaps I can help for next time…
Starbucks is the largest buyer of Fair Trade coffe in North America, they use mostly recyclable materials and are moving towards using only recycled materials and employees need only to work 25 hours a week to get health benefits. Dunkin Donuts STILL USES STYROFOAM (to be fair DD does buy mostly fair trade coffee too).
hmmm… can you tell that I work in the world of Corporate Social Responsibility?
Posted by alexa on December 18, 2008 at 2:09 pm
you won something on my blog! : )
Posted by MrsTwink on December 19, 2008 at 10:21 am
I almost choked on my coffee! Sadly – the cheapo in me (it’s a tough economy these days) has forced me to drink the free coffee in the office. I’m pretty sure I’ll end up with a tumor ina few years from it.
Posted by jennifer on December 19, 2008 at 5:10 pm
You make me so glad that I don’t like coffee. Now I would be 30 min late for work for one of te donuts from DD…