Christmas Wrapping (up)

The aforementioned Grey Boy is visiting from the cold, snowy mid-west, and we’re about to go to the birthplace of FDR!  Also, I get a feeling that many of you are checking out for the holiday, so I’m doing a little “best of Christmas posts” post.  These are my favorites from the last two years of Christmas at the Daily Tannenbaum.

A line-by line analysis of why The Christmas Shoes is the worst song, ever.

If someone ever bought me shoes for Christmas, I’d be really angry. Shoes are a really personal item, and it’s really risky to buy them as a gift. I’m thinking this kid maybe has early onset foot fetish-ism.

Be careful, when cutting from a farm, that your tree isn’t too big.

It’s important to respect the natural beauty of the tree by piling as much crap as possible on to it.  Featuring a view from the toilet.

A manifesto about inflatable decorations. (Buried within a post about the solstice and elevator etiquette.)

I passed a display this morning where a snowman was behind a Santa. They were both slightly deflated and leaning forward. To this girl’s eye, it looked a lot like the snowman was taking Santa from behind which is both anatomically and emotionally impossible.

The story of the day I learned about “other” and was saddened that they had no Christmas.

“of course, I guess you don’t… um… celebrate either, do you?”

I asked for bones socks.  I did not get bones socks.  So I made them my avatar.

But don’t take that to mean I want something crappy like “a donation in my name to charity” or “peace on Earth.” It just means I want something small. Like earrings.

If I don’t type at ya before then, Happy Holidays, everyone!  (I’ll try and use some of my free time to catch up on that blog reading I’ve been ignoring while whittling away these last few days of the year!)

Raindrops on Roses and etc…

Happy winter solstice everyone! It’s the reason for the season, and it means from here on out, the days are only going to get longer! Praise!

And in the spirit of the season of stuff, I want to share with you some of my favorite material possessions.

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These are on the wall of my living room: The centerpiece is the green splatter paining, a prop I made for a play The Grey Boy wrote in college. (It was the first student-written play to ever go on the mainstage theater, so props to him!) And around it are bubble pictures that I made out of watercolors on top of an old book collage with frames from Ikea.  In the foreground, my iPod.  I did not make that.

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Extreme close up of the bubble picture, which was not intended to be bubbles, just blue circles. But darn if they don’t look like bubbles.

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Hugh Laurie, another favorite thing. He was on TV while I was taking the pictures, so I couldn’t help myself. Sadly, he is completely sold out at the moment.

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These, I love.  They hang opposite the bubble pictures, and I made these out of some graphic novels I had.  While it hurts to hurt a book, I was never going to read those novels again, and they were so pretty that I wanted to make something more of them.  I hope the artist/writers don’t mind, and I hope that they’re not collectibles that go up in value:

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Extreme close-up: I did this by folding the pages in triangles, starting at the center.  Then I just tacked them to the wall near the spine.  That’s Art with a capital “A.”

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I got these angles at K-Mart the first year that I was living in my own place.  They remind me of these gold angles/candle holders that my mom always put on the mantle.  These guys have matching bows and ornaments from the “purple, green and gold” collection that K-Mart was touting that year.

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As you know, I have three purple trees this year, and I love them.  I have a lot of ornaments, so it’s nice to be able to divide them up.  The medium tree has all my 50-state ornaments collection (I have about six so far, but I only just started.)  The big tree has all my real ornaments, and the small tree has all the ornaments that The Grey Boy has given me over the years.  Notice that they are all sheep.  There is a really good reason for that, and the reason is that we have a thing about sheep.  And that stems from a story for another day, my friends.

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This is my mother’s coffee pot.  It is older than I am.  It is proudly AVOCADO colored.  It is not used to make coffee.  It is used to make hot apple cider.  When you take the pot out of the box, you are overwhelmed by the awesome smell of apple cider.  The way you do it is that you pour a gallon of cider into the pot, and then you fill the top with cinnamon sticks, cloves, and whole allspice instead of coffee.  Then the cider brews through it.

If you really want to go nuts, like I did for our kickball friends party last night, you add whipped cream, caramel, and nutmeg to the top of the cider, and a shot of rum to the bottom.  I strongly suspect that’s why I have as many friends as I do.

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Lastly, when my mom makes the cider (sans rum) for Christmas at the house, she always serves it in these red-rimmed glass cups.  Except these are not the exact cups.  This picture was taken at a thrift store in Ventura, California in 2005.  There we were looking at various vintage wares when I realized that someone was trying to sell us a set of something already owned in my family.  The note at the store really should mention that hot apple cider only truly tastes right out of those glasses.

If you’re in the area, I recommend picking them up, provided some lucky family hasn’t bought them in the ensuing three years.

I also like whiskers on kittens, but that too is a post for another day.

Blog posting fail!*

I love when I write a post I really like, (ie: the post right before this) but I also hate it.  I put too much pressure on myself to follow up with something equally brilliant, at least in my mind.

Nothing else that happened in the past few days was as interesting as running out of coffee.

Actually, that’s not true.  I made a run for good, non-grocery store coffee on Wednesday.  That was borderline exciting, with a hint of thrilling, because I had to enter the most evil place in the world to get it.

I have a Starbucks hook-up through a friend who works at a national chain corporation that sells books (a.k.a. Smarnes and Ignoble.)  I like to think that I prove my liberal tolerance on a daily basis by maintaining friendship with her.  It also helps that she’s quite cool and a good friend, and fed my cats while I was away.  It’s not her fault that she has a good job at a bad place.

But visiting her at her place of work makes me feel dirty, even if I do game the system by getting my coffee with her employee discount.  Going in there reminds me of a story that Birmingham’s mother once told me.  She grew up in a small town in Ireland that actually had a Protestant church.  But like most of the rest of her country folk, she’s Catholic through-and-through, and when she was a kid, she was convinced she would be smote down by God if she crossed the threshold of that Protestant church.

But as kids do, one of her friends dared her to do it anyway.  Fearing for her immortal soul, but more fearful of losing the dare, she did it and entered the church. Sometimes I wonder if she still worries about having done that.  I have a feeling that she doesn’t, since she was laughing while telling me the story, and I think that the “don’t go into other churches” was one of those rules that the Catholic Church changed over time.  (Feminist aside: now how about changing the “women are less important than men” rules you still have on the books?)

And much like Mrs. Birmingham’s experience, no overpowering force smote me when I crossed the threshold of said chain that I hate.  The powers that be of the American Booksellers Association have not asked me to rescind my support, and I was welcomed with open arms when I went to visit my favorite indie later in the day, even as I confessed my transgressions to them.

It’s good to know that I can enjoy my coffee with a clear conscience.

*This post brought to you by the awakening power Starbucks holiday blend, which is really the exact same thing as Starbucks Christmas blend, but marketed towards the Jews, and other such non-Christmas-celebrating riff-raff.  (Probably not available at your favorite bookstore.)

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