I think it’s an almost universal truth that people act differently when they’re with other people. It’s part of the reason that “mixing the worlds” can be so nerve-wracking. If you’re always “fun-loving Fred” with your college friends, but “serious Sally” with your work friends, it can be so awkward when your work friends meet your college friends, and you become Fally, the person who doesn’t know what to say or do.
It’s also disconcerting when you get down to some introspective thought and try and figure out who you are if you always change from group to group. Normally, I think of myself as an averagely nice person, but if I’m a little tired and cranky and Birmingham comes around, I can get really mean to him because we once achieved that level of intimacy that allows us to forgive each other when we act out. But we’re not together right now, so I feel bad when I’m mean to him out of habit. I should really only agree to see him when I’m in a super good mood, otherwise it might feel like we’re dating again. (he he)?
The reason I’m thinking of all this right now is because even though I think of myself as a confident person, I recently realized that I have this weird habit of being highly self-depreciating when I’m around people who intimidate or impress me. I caught myself doing it the other day, and while I was making people laugh, I was really bringing myself down needlessly. Once I realized I was doing it, I couldn’t stop, either. Eventually, I just stopped talking about everything except swimming, because that’s one thing that makes me feel really confident.
So now it’s got me thinking, and I’m no psychology expert or anything (see, there’s that self-deprecation again!), but is personality fluid like that? Am I a sympathetic person around some people and judgemental around others? Am I funny and witty when I’m comfortable, but incoherent when I’m intimidated? What personality should I bring out when I get comfortable with people that I should be more respectful towards? Are the extremes of the flexibility of my personality actually who I am? And in the end, who exactly does that make me? Is it normal to have this many “deep thoughts” on a Monday morning after spending Sunday afternoon watching James Bond? And why didn’t my rye bread didn’t rise properly on Saturday when the French bread came out great? We may never know.
