There was more bad news in the stock market yesterday. I hate the stock market, because for the life of me I can’t figure out what is going on over there, but I know all that crap is eventually going to roll downhill to the rest of us. I know that back in 1929, the great expanse of the country that had no dealings with the market thought they were safe. Then the 30′s hit and everybody lost everything. (pretty much)
These days, a majority of Americans think we’re headed for another depression. I wish I could ask my grandparents what the first one was like so I could be prepared for it, but alas, I only have one left, and he probably can’t help me much this far into his senility. So instead, I turned to the internet.
Reasons this new depression will be worse than the great one:
- We just don’t have the fedora power to make the breadlines look fashion forward:
- Everybody these days is just to PC to say what they really mean:
- You just can’t get the same kind of flavor from your bathtub hooch by using a modern-day bath fitter tub.
You need the original claw foot porcelain, and good luck finding that in this economy!
- Before those pesky child labor laws, newspapers were sold by adorable orphans (who sometimes sang and danced in unison!) and when you were done reading the paper, you could use it for TP, unlike that online subscription you’re currently using.
but there are…
Reasons the current depression is going to be a greater depression!
- We won’t have bread lines. Too fattening. But we will have low-carb muffin lines!*
- The banks may freeze us out of our foreclosed homes, but thanks to global warming, we won’t freeze while living on the streets!
- You don’t need to spend your ten cents on a dance when you have internet porn! Just hide your PC from the repo man and steal that wifi signal from your neighbor!
I’m having trouble coming up with anything else good… But I’m an optimist, and I’m sure that despite my most recent 401(k) having smaller numbers than the one before it, the future is going to be great! (as long as I don’t get injured, pregnant, or old, or otherwise unable to work two to three jobs.)
*Come to think of it, I would prefer bread over fake muffins any day.
Posted by 3carnations on October 23, 2008 at 9:29 am
I can’t allow myself to be pessimistic enough to believe this will be like the Great Depression. Feel free to tell me “I told you so” if I’m wrong…But I have to believe it won’t get that bad, and have faith that we’ll get through all this in no more pieces than we started.
Posted by Dutchess of Kickball on October 23, 2008 at 9:34 am
Olivia is going to plow my fields with fervor.
Posted by Dingo on October 23, 2008 at 9:40 am
I lie awake at night wondering what would happened if either Mr. Dingo or I lost our jobs. Somehow I think that worrying about it will keep The Depression at bay. To make matters worse, we don’t even have fedoras so that we can look fashionable in the online pics that will circulate 50 years from now.
Posted by Little Fish on October 23, 2008 at 10:01 am
These are scary times so thanks for brightening my morning with a Newsies reference!! If all the newspaper men are going to look like Christian Bale, bring on the depression.
Posted by andrea on October 23, 2008 at 10:02 am
My parents were very young during the depression and each had a very different experience. My dad was very poor and his oldest sister was sent away to live with relatives because they couldn’t afford her. On the other hand, my mother was an only child and her parents lived off the money they still had from bootlegging. Yes really, my grandfather smuggled booze over the Canadian border. Maybe I can find something cool like that.
Posted by lizgwiz on October 23, 2008 at 10:13 am
Well, I know my grandmother came out of the depression a hoarder of soap and canned goods, so maybe I’ll just start stocking up. Seriously–she always had at least 50 bars of soap on hand. We used to count it every time we visited.
Posted by Vicious Headbutt on October 23, 2008 at 10:48 am
The only affect so far has been a ding to my 401K too. I can’t see it getting so bad that we’ll have another Great Depression, but I suppose it best to be prepared.
Posted by The Modern Gal on October 23, 2008 at 10:53 am
At least there’s no Prohibition and we can drink ourselves to death this time.
Posted by nancypearlwannabe on October 23, 2008 at 11:05 am
Modern Gal- or at least as long as we can afford the hooch!
The way I deal with the inevitable Depression is to ignore it. If I don’t know anything about it, it can’t possibly affect me, right?
Posted by bing on October 23, 2008 at 11:28 am
I’m with NPW. I try not to listen too much because it might depress me.
Hell yeah to the low carb muffin lines!
Posted by Allie on October 23, 2008 at 11:47 am
I’m too busy having hourly panic attacks about the election to think about the Depression too much.
Posted by Amy on October 23, 2008 at 12:05 pm
Well, people will have to consume less stuff, and that’s a good thing.
OTOH, not so much if we’re talking about consuming fewer, you know, basic food requirements.
I’m afraid I’m firmly in the camp that’s ignoring the problem in the hopes that it’ll just disappear.
Posted by abbersnail on October 23, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Well, I’m all set for my Depression Business, seeing as I have one of those old claw-foot bathtubs. 15% discount on my hooch for all bloggers!
(That sounded really obscene. Sorry.)
Posted by courtney on October 23, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Maybe we should all go buy fedoras so we’ll look good in the unemployment line. But then what if our fedora purchases end up being the key to saving the economy? All those fedoras would go to waste, but the country would be saved!
Posted by Kyla Bea on October 23, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I’ve been smearing soot on my face and wearing a fedora for the past two months in preparation – and now you’re saying there aren’t going to even BE fedora’s??
But that’s practically the whole point of a depression!!!
Posted by alexa on October 23, 2008 at 2:52 pm
ha, your funny as always noelle. seeing as i am a very visual person this worked for me.
can i hug that polar bear?
Posted by Poppy on October 23, 2008 at 3:10 pm
This post is hilarious.
And this post is exactly why I think money is stupid. An entire life can be ruined by money… so dumb.
Posted by Evil Kate on October 23, 2008 at 8:52 pm
good post. I needed someone to put things into perspective.
Posted by ladyrock13 on October 24, 2008 at 7:41 am
Why can’t we just make more money? Wouldn’t that make it easier? Sigh.
Posted by Knot on October 24, 2008 at 10:38 am
My wife loves clawfoot tubs. I’m determined to get her one when we get to a house we’ll be in for a long stretch. There’s one in a field on the way to my in-law’s house. The hard thing about clawfoots is finding them with all four feet intact.
Knot
Posted by MrsTwink on October 24, 2008 at 3:19 pm
I’m going to stock up on fedoras!
… and I’m all for stealing a wifi signal.
Posted by Aaron on October 24, 2008 at 5:28 pm
I think I’ve pointed this out before, but the zombies are going to show up long before the next Great Depression, which means much bigger things to worry about.
Posted by rdl on October 26, 2008 at 1:41 am
Great post!!!
Posted by erikka on October 26, 2008 at 4:25 pm
dude, I’ve got the claw foot tub for the hooch. that will be my ticket for extra cash when the depression hits. underground hooch market, here I come!
Posted by stefanie on October 27, 2008 at 2:33 pm
I’m going with NPW’s plan, too. What, that isn’t a sound idea?
Also, there is no way I would drink anything that came out of my tub. If I scrape together enough money for the bathroom remodel I keep talking about, though, then we’ll see.
Posted by Kristabella on October 28, 2008 at 5:44 pm
I stupidly looked at my 401k the other day. The -23% in RED was fun. I’m not looking at it again until I get closer to retirement.
So much for using that as a possible down payment on a house.