There was more bad news in the stock market yesterday. I hate the stock market, because for the life of me I can’t figure out what is going on over there, but I know all that crap is eventually going to roll downhill to the rest of us. I know that back in 1929, the great expanse of the country that had no dealings with the market thought they were safe. Then the 30′s hit and everybody lost everything. (pretty much)
These days, a majority of Americans think we’re headed for another depression. I wish I could ask my grandparents what the first one was like so I could be prepared for it, but alas, I only have one left, and he probably can’t help me much this far into his senility. So instead, I turned to the internet.
Reasons this new depression will be worse than the great one:
- We just don’t have the fedora power to make the breadlines look fashion forward:
- Everybody these days is just to PC to say what they really mean:
- You just can’t get the same kind of flavor from your bathtub hooch by using a modern-day bath fitter tub.
- Before those pesky child labor laws, newspapers were sold by adorable orphans (who sometimes sang and danced in unison!) and when you were done reading the paper, you could use it for TP, unlike that online subscription you’re currently using.
but there are…
Reasons the current depression is going to be a greater depression!
- We won’t have bread lines. Too fattening. But we will have low-carb muffin lines!*
- The banks may freeze us out of our foreclosed homes, but thanks to global warming, we won’t freeze while living on the streets!
- You don’t need to spend your ten cents on a dance when you have internet porn! Just hide your PC from the repo man and steal that wifi signal from your neighbor!
I’m having trouble coming up with anything else good… But I’m an optimist, and I’m sure that despite my most recent 401(k) having smaller numbers than the one before it, the future is going to be great! (as long as I don’t get injured, pregnant, or old, or otherwise unable to work two to three jobs.)
*Come to think of it, I would prefer bread over fake muffins any day.