Other than becoming faster, wetter, and always late for work, there’s only one other significant thing that is different about my life since joining the swim team over a year ago. And that’s the fact that I’m now totally comfortable with naked time in the shower after practice. The other gals and I often have long conversations while standing there without clothes. There’s no point of trying to hide with a towel when the showers at the middle school pool we use don’t even have shower curtains, anyway. Besides, there’s very little that a bathing suit can do to hide what you know is there. The only mystery a swimsuit cloaks is what kind of hairstyle you prefer. Down there.
This morning, one of the ladies was (falesly) complaining that she was developing a roll on her stomach for the first time in her life. And I was all, “bitch, please, there’s never been a point that this flesh I’ve got didn’t fold up on itself.” That’s when another teammate chimed in that she read a little flab here and there can actually be healthy, when it comes to having a strong immune system. I told her that must be why I haven’t been sick in so long.
And because no one likes a self-depricator, she told me that I looked fine because I’ve got a nice sized chest. I agreed, it’s always good to be in proportion. And I revealed my secret: “the key to wearing a pot belly properly is to make sure that you always keep your boobs big enough to stick out further.”
Posted by Dutchess of Kickball on October 3, 2008 at 10:09 am
A good set of boobs can really mask any flaw.
Words to live by.
Posted by nancypearlwannabe on October 3, 2008 at 10:23 am
Which is why I’ve let mine grow wild.
oh dear.
Posted by 3carnations on October 3, 2008 at 10:28 am
Just you talking about talking with people while you’re all naked makes me uncomfortable. Heh.
Then I’ll guess I’ll refrain from sending you pictures?
Posted by LadyRock13 on October 3, 2008 at 10:42 am
I read this once. Got naked and read it again.
Dirty!
Posted by cadiz12 on October 3, 2008 at 10:59 am
i once stumbled on a random blog post in which the author was considering augmentation to hide her growing belly flab. i chalked it up to a joke then, but now that i think about it, she really could have been serious.
Huh. That seems like an ass backwards way of going about it, but who am I to judge?
Posted by Vicious Headbutt on October 3, 2008 at 11:01 am
Boobies, is there anything they can’t do?
That’s a rhetorical question because the answer is a resounding no.
My boobs once did the laundry for me.
Posted by mickey on October 3, 2008 at 11:06 am
Wise words.
And the calculator on my laptop just makes 14502 x 4 upside down look more or less like this: 80085. Not the effect you were going for, I think.
It’s more of an old school kind of thing.
Posted by rdl on October 3, 2008 at 11:45 am
going out to buy a miracle bra.
See you when you get back!
Posted by Pam on October 3, 2008 at 12:28 pm
I have always told people the same thing about maintaining proper BTT (boob to tummy) ratio. Unfortunately I have failed to maintain that ratio in the last year. That’s why I’m going to a gym after work instead of happy hour. Sigh.
I like that. BTT. I’ll keep that in mind.
Posted by The Modern Gal on October 3, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Now I don’t feel so bad when I say I buy the most thickly padded bra I can find.
Hells to the no! Enjoy that stuff!
Posted by erikka on October 3, 2008 at 2:08 pm
awesome. but i can’t use this – my boobs just aren’t that big and if i really got a belly, I could see myself…nto being able to keep up boob wise.
Then you’re just part of the eternal flat stomach challenge we all face.
Posted by courtney on October 3, 2008 at 3:38 pm
Big boobs/flabby belly, big boobs/tight belly. Is there a wrong answer here? I think not.
Yeah, I think they both work.
Posted by Lara on October 3, 2008 at 3:55 pm
Hee! This story kind of reminds me of that scene in Real Women Have Curves when the girl who is now Ugly Betty takes off her shirt because she’s hot. Do you know what I’m talking about?
Yeah, that’s a great scene!
Posted by Knot on October 3, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Ohhh to be a fly on the wall for those conversations …
Knot
It’s just like every locker room scene in every movie. Except we’re older.
Posted by Little Fish on October 4, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Hell yes!! Let’s hear it for the big busted girls!
Go us!
Posted by Allie on October 4, 2008 at 4:34 pm
That’s why I can go eat a pint of ice cream right now, even though I really want to. I just don’t have big enough boobs.
You can eat ice cream…
Posted by Aaron on October 4, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Off the topic of boobs, I have to say that in years of working in a gym I never, ever got comfortable with gentlemen in the locker room discussing things with me while their batches roamed free. Just, pants. Please.
I do feel uncomfortable when “outsiders” come by.
Posted by Stefanie on October 5, 2008 at 10:17 pm
I never thought about it that way, but that’s definitely a good rule. You’re always so smart, Noelle.
I think I can work this theory into a book.
Posted by apollocreed on October 6, 2008 at 10:06 am
Isn’t that one of the ten commandments?
Thou shalt have no other boobs before thee.
Posted by Hope on October 6, 2008 at 11:34 am
That’s been my motto for years. A friend and I always say you can’t go wrong with a nice rack. If people are looking at great cleavage then they ain’t noticin’ your tummy/thighs/ass/etc.
Posted by michelle woo on October 6, 2008 at 4:10 pm
Yes, it’s very sad when your tum extends past your boobs.
Love how you tagged this post “Bags of Sand.”
Posted by Brando on October 7, 2008 at 4:56 pm
Breasts may also hold the record for “body part with the most slang words.”
Posted by Kristabella on October 8, 2008 at 6:28 pm
Those are words to live by.
In high school, in the *whispers* marching band, we would take trips to compete and stay in other high schools and have to take communal showers. My freshman year in band, I went most band trip weekends without showering. By senior year, we were dancing naked in the showers teasing the freshmen.