Other than becoming faster, wetter, and always late for work, there’s only one other significant thing that is different about my life since joining the swim team over a year ago. And that’s the fact that I’m now totally comfortable with naked time in the shower after practice. The other gals and I often have long conversations while standing there without clothes. There’s no point of trying to hide with a towel when the showers at the middle school pool we use don’t even have shower curtains, anyway. Besides, there’s very little that a bathing suit can do to hide what you know is there. The only mystery a swimsuit cloaks is what kind of hairstyle you prefer. Down there.
This morning, one of the ladies was (falesly) complaining that she was developing a roll on her stomach for the first time in her life. And I was all, “bitch, please, there’s never been a point that this flesh I’ve got didn’t fold up on itself.” That’s when another teammate chimed in that she read a little flab here and there can actually be healthy, when it comes to having a strong immune system. I told her that must be why I haven’t been sick in so long.
And because no one likes a self-depricator, she told me that I looked fine because I’ve got a nice sized chest. I agreed, it’s always good to be in proportion. And I revealed my secret: “the key to wearing a pot belly properly is to make sure that you always keep your boobs big enough to stick out further.”