I just had one of those weekends that was so busy, I can’t quite remember how to get to my office, which I swear I haven’t been to since mid-May. Among all the stuff I did, one of the highlights of my weekend was getting highlights from my super-stellar hairdresser, Max. He blonded me at the end of the day on Friday, which meant that I went to all my cookouts and NYC adventures (including the one where my sister and I carried a 40 pound tent from Queens to 57th St. in the pouring rain) looking good. If you happen to live in the NYC area and are looking for someone to do your hair, let me give Max a shout out now. I’ll try and follow up with a picture, if I can ever get a good one of myself. Included in the price of the haircut was his tip that I should breathe an intake of air while posing to prevent the goofy-no eye smile predicament that happens to me whenever I pose. Duly noted. Still not working.
And in other news, there are some things I just never blog about, because I like having a separation of Noelle Tannenbaum and (my real name.) One of those things is my fledgling dating life. Just an FYI, it’s been healthy, but there’s still no one serious enough to earn a new nickname or a story for the blog. I’ve also met very few guys that are so ridiculously bad they became blogworthy. Also, I keep telling the guys I meet that I write here, so I potentially have a readership comprised completely of people that I met at www.TheDatingSiteIUse.com, and I’d prefer not to alienate them by kissing and telling. As it were. Not that there was kissing. As it were.
What I don’t have a problem sharing is some of the more ridiculous emails I’ve received at www.TheDatingSiteIUse.com because there are some that baffle my mind. As you read these, Keep in mind that my profile is written much in the style of this blog, and that my pictures comprise of a bad self-portrait, and actually okay picture of me at a wedding (I must have been breathing in while the picture was shot), and a shot of me decked out in work clothes, taken while painting my cottage. (I like guys to know that I’m a can-do woman.) This is an email I got over the weekend:
hi pretty woman, how are you. plz today you need to tell me why you are so beautiful. thats amazing to see a wonderful women like you. ok, im a lucky guy today and i think i’ll be playing a lotto. so, my name is _______ and i really want to get to know you and be your bestfriend too. so, i like the way you are, you are very simple woman, humble and respectful. thank you for that this morning. you really make my day mch nicer. i truly like you. have a nice day and thank you for your beauty
What does he want? A beautiful woman, or to be my bestfriend? And what in the world makes him think I’m respectful? Maybe I can forward his email to my parents and they can explain to him how they made me so beautiful. Or maybe I should just send him to Max’s page.
Then there’s this:
im a HUGE sucker for shorter woman with short dark hair and glasses
im also visit your area frequently
Is it just me, or does this email scream, “I want a regular booty call to coordinate with my travel plans?” Also, I’m 5’6″. Even if you are technically taller than me, calling me a “shorter woman” is not the key to my heart. But proper punctuation is!
And then…
hello i’m ___ a single man 33 from nyc just wanted 2 say that i think u r very good looking & if possible i would like 2 see if we can chat & get 2 know 1 another u can im me at ______@_____.com… (his name)!!!
I feel like if I met this guy in person I wouldn’t be able to follow his conversation as I mentally turned all of his regular speak into text speak. It all reminds me of Bridget Fonda in Singles, who narrowed down her list of qualities she wants in a guy to “says bless you when I sneeze.” When deciding who I want to have further contact with from this site, I’ve narrowed it down to guys who “take the time to type out the extra letters that spell words such as ‘you,’ ‘two’ and ‘are.’”
Hence, still single over here. But with GREAT hair.
