As expected, I was the only woman in my age group at the Empire State Games masters swim competition. I swam seven events, and had kick-ass times in all of them. So now, the question is: What do I do with seven gold medals?
So pretty, they are, with the ESG logo on the front and the New York seal on the back.
I could put them on the fridge with my other swimming and running awards, but I don’t have a magnet strong enough for Seven Gold Medals.
I suppose I could wear them around town in my fancy ESG tracksuit, telling everyone I meet “what has two thumbs and swims real fast? THIS GIRL!” but…
I think that would eventually lead to neck pain. Seven Gold Medals are HEAVY, ya’ll!
Maybe I can have Lucy wear them. It will help boost her self-confidence so she can show dominance over Micki, who is currently winning the turf war.
I could hang them from my rear-view mirror, but something tells me the constant clang-clang-clanging of Seven Gold Medals might get annoying after a while. Also, it might be nice to see out of the windshield every now and then.
I encounter the same vision problem if I hang them from my work computer.
I could hang them from my red tree and turn them into Art.
But in the end, I suppose I’ll just put my Seven Gold Medals in a place of esteemed honor (that I really should have cleaned before photographing but oh well.)
And for posterity, I was awarded said medals this weekend by doing this stuff in this amount of time:
- 800 Meter freestyle – 13:57.45 (my first time swimming this event!)
- 50 Meter breast stroke – 55.27
- 100 Meter breast stroke – 1:55.74
- 200 Meter freestyle – 3:14.75
- 100 Meter freestyle – 1:29.93
- 50 Meter backstroke – 57.13
- 400 Meter freestyle – 6:52.78
It’s true that I was uncontested at this meet, but all of those times are personal bests for me, and I felt really good swimming them, so I’m happy to declare myself a winner. And now, the team goes on summer break wherein I can either sit on my butt and get slow, hit the gym to build some muscles and get even faster, just in case someone else in the 30-34 age group ever decides to show up and challenge me.
*Oh, and I’d also like to take a moment to thank those people who made this possible. My Mom and Dad who threw me in the water when I was six months old, my elementary school principal who taught swim lessons over the summer and always told me “that was excellent” when I did something good, my coach, who in between making fun of my strokes sometimes gives me advice on improving them, the annoying guy in my lane who inspires me to swim faster so I can get away from him, and of course, The Dutchess of Kickball and her man Teach who drove me all the way up to Owego, NY, to watch me swim for thirteen minutes and fifty-seven seconds. Thanks, all!
Posted by Dutchess of Kickball on July 28, 2008 at 8:54 am
I can not even tell you how proud we were when we saw that the bell was going to be rung just for you! The fastest in your heat, BY FAR! Great job!
Posted by FDP on July 28, 2008 at 8:56 am
Who has two thumbs, is laughing her ass off and is still super proud of and impressed with you?!?! Oh, yeah that’s right– this girl! Way to grow fins and swim! AND way to take some hilarious pics of your awesome 6 gold medals. Oh, wait– was it 7, I can’t remember…let me just scroll up and see if I can find it in your post…
Posted by Ben on July 28, 2008 at 8:59 am
WHOOOOO! Atheltic Rockstar!
Congrats on the personal bests!
Posted by Allie on July 28, 2008 at 9:26 am
WOW!!! Seven personal bests — that’s freaking amazing!
I say you wear the medals all the time. It’ll make your neck super strong.
Congratulations!
Posted by nancypearlwannabe on July 28, 2008 at 9:28 am
You should wear those medals everywhere you go. They make you look like a total badass!
Posted by Jennifer M. on July 28, 2008 at 9:44 am
So pretty and so shiny. I think it is ok to leave them in the bathroom as long as you get a permanent spotlight on them so that they really jump out at you whenever you visit the throne.
Posted by elizabeth on July 28, 2008 at 10:25 am
Just want to say “TOLD YOU SO” to all those well intentioned folks who told me if you wore those inflatable swimmies you’d never learn how to swim. (I just did it because you were jumping into the deep end of the pool as soon as you could walk)
WAY TO GO!
Posted by Knot on July 28, 2008 at 10:34 am
You have BLING! You need a gold tooth and a velvet running suit and a Gilligan hat.
I’m impressed at you swimming skilz.
Knot
Posted by -R- on July 28, 2008 at 10:48 am
Congrats!
Posted by neuteronomy on July 28, 2008 at 10:53 am
You definitely need to wear those medals to NEIBA.
Posted by apollocreed on July 28, 2008 at 11:07 am
I think you should wear them all the time, not put them in there.
People need to know that you’re better than them.
Posted by Deb on the Rocks on July 28, 2008 at 11:21 am
W00t. You and Dara are my inspiration. You most, cause you have more gold than her.
But I’m worried about your gold rusting in the bathroom. …
Posted by Jess on July 28, 2008 at 11:27 am
You rock! Way to go!
Posted by Knot on July 28, 2008 at 11:28 am
Now I can’t get this song out of my head.
Knot
Posted by lizgwiz on July 28, 2008 at 11:38 am
As far as I’m concerned, merely appearing in public in a swimsuit should merit an award. You actually SWAM as well, so…you rock! Enjoy those medals in whatever fashion you desire.
Posted by Dingo on July 28, 2008 at 11:40 am
To have a personal best when not being driven to excel by competitors breathing down your neck is incredible! Good for you!
Posted by Kristabella on July 28, 2008 at 11:44 am
Congrats!
I would have made a lovely wind chime out of them to annoy the Landlesbian.
Posted by stefanie on July 28, 2008 at 11:48 am
You are my hero. And you should totally wear all seven medals… at least one day a week.
Posted by courtney on July 28, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Great job! I echo the sentiments that you wear those Seven Gold Medals all the freaking time, neck pain be damned.
Posted by andrea on July 28, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Congratulations! I will be in awe of you if you wear a track suit and seven gold metals. Especially if you do the two thumbs up. That is still cracking me up as I write this comment.
Posted by Ann on July 28, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Congratulations!
And I am thrilled to see the Hula Monkey with the medals. Excellent!
When you swim these uncontested races – are you in the pool by yourself? Or are you part of another heat and it’s just your time that gets recorded?
Posted by Gregory on July 28, 2008 at 12:45 pm
AWESOME! You have one medal for every day of the week! If someone asks, “Didn’t you wear that gold medal yesterday, Noelle Tannenbaum?” you could say, “Hells to the no. I wore a DIFFERENT gold medal yesterday, Sparky. Try to keep up with my Empire State Games dominance.” Final thought – you should approach local businesses in an attempt to get endorsements.
Posted by erikka on July 28, 2008 at 12:47 pm
your yard looks HUGE and gorgeous. I am jealous.
Posted by 3carnations on July 28, 2008 at 1:25 pm
Congratulations!
I hope none of the medals fall in the toilet!
Posted by sadieandleo on July 28, 2008 at 1:43 pm
You’re my hero, congrats!
I love all of these pictures too, you’re hilarious! The last one is the one I would have settled on too.
Posted by Kelli on July 28, 2008 at 3:20 pm
You’re such a superstar.
I would write more, but, oh I’m BLINDED by all that gold shining through the computer screen.
Go you!
(Oh and thanks for the ant/cinnamon tip by the way!)
Posted by Adorable Girlfriend on July 29, 2008 at 9:00 am
Congrats!
Posted by Laurel on July 29, 2008 at 9:39 am
You tied Mark Spitz!
Posted by Vanessa on July 29, 2008 at 5:15 pm
Rock on you! Seven medals is awesome! I like them on the kitty, cute!
Posted by freeandflawed on July 29, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Congrats!! Go you!
Posted by kir on July 31, 2008 at 3:36 am
you kick ass!!! i’d get a nice little trophy case if i were you. with wood paneling… and real glass!
Posted by alexa on August 4, 2008 at 9:06 pm
this? just made my day!!
HILARIOUS!