I would have made a super secret agent if only I had thought to pursue International Espionage.

But for the fact that I get the giggles whenever I’m nervous or sneaking up on someone, that is.

I believe this to be true because I have noticed that people who have met me before don’t remember doing it, and people that have never met me are sure that we’ve met before.

In fact, one time I almost got into an altercation with a woman at a candle party who was so certain that she knew me, she implied that I was lying about my past. The only possible way she could have known me was if she saw me on episode 209 of Rescue Me where I get 1 second of screen time playing the girl on the website of an anti-depressant. (I got conned into that non-paying gig by the art department who came over to me at my desk and said that I was “the most attractive girl in the locations department.” I was also the only girl in the locations department at the time, but you all know that I have no problem with default.)

Speaking of the swim meet (and if I wasn’t clear on my last post, I was 100% happy with my times) there were two kids there, the sons of my creationist (YIKES!) teammate. They were cute as anything, despite the cruel home-schooling way they’re being raised, and they BOTH kept telling me that they knew me from somewhere. Every time I saw them it was like, “do you go to our church?” “were you at the picnic last summer?” “are you from Ohio?” One thing’s for sure, they didn’t see me in episode 209 of Rescue Me, because they only watch shows and movies that get 5 star ratings from the Family Council. (You should have seen the looks of shock on their little faces when they found out I saw Sex and The City, which got ZERO stars!)

Then last night, I went to a swing dance class at the local coffee shop. It’s the second time I’ve been there for the free lessons on the basic steps.

I got my coffee and was waiting for the class to start. The instructor came over and shook my hand saying, “so nice to meet you, I’m so-and-so, what’s your name?”

And I’m all, “Noelle, I was here two weeks ago. Also, I spoke to you at kickball last Thursday.” She just stared at me blankly like I was lying. There wasn’t even the slightest flicker of recognition on her face. So if I was a spy, I could have staked her out for weeks, and she never would have known.

It’s too bad that I really like my job with books, otherwise I’d be double-oh-Tannenbaum.