Last March, when I had my first swim meet the same weekend as the great blogger meet-up, NPW, Stefanie and Lara came to watch me compete not drown, quickly. After my race, one of them (I think it was Lara?) asked me what I think about while I swim. I didn’t have an answer to that question at the ready. Now, I do. I think about Lara asking me what I think about while I swim. But sometimes I think it was Stefanie who asked the question, and sometimes I think it was NPW. As I go, I scour the back of my brain for the original memory, but it’s gone. Maybe ya’ll can clear it up in the comments.
There are other things I think about when I swim, such as:
- Elbows up!
- What shall I make for breakfast today?
- All of the perfect traits I would want in a boyfriend, as if knowing exactly what I want will make him appear out of thin air. Then I usually create the perfect man from an amalgam of all of the guys I know, discarding all the less palatable qualities.
- How many strokes I have taken until getting to the wall. (See the title.)
- And sometimes there’s just that empty buzzing sound.
When I bike to work, it’s the same thing, except I do a little more math. Take this kind of inner monologue from yesterday’s ride:
You don’t even realize how much this seat hurts your butt until you sit on it again for the second day. So this ride is 3 miles there, and three miles back, that’s 6 miles. Man, for the first time in his life, Obama looked dorky when they got that picture of him on his bike. I can’t even imagine what I look like, because I’m pretty dorky every day. And my car gets about 32 miles to the gallon since I started driving like an 80 year old. Oh man, that is one weird shadow I’m casting. Better suck in that gut! So how many trips do I have to take to equal a gallon of gas? Easy. 32 divided by 6. Which is… You know who doesn’t give you any damn room on the road when passing? School buses, that’s who. What is the deal with that? Oh wait, I was trying to divide 32 by 6 when I was so rudely interrupted by almost dying. That number does not go evenly. What is the closest integer to 32 that’s divisible by 6? I haven’t thought the word “integer” since graduating high school. Cool. I know! 30. Okay, so let’s say I get 30 miles to the gallon. That’s 5 trips! Five days of biking to save one gallon of gas, which is currently $4.29 at the station I go to. So if I bike for a week, I save $4.29. Dude, that is not a lot of cash, in the grand scheme of things. You don’t notice how bad roadkill really smells until you start biking to work. Yuck! So if I owe the credit card company $39 for paying a day late, it would take me how long to save that money by biking? I’m in way over my head with this math here. Let’s round the fee up to $40, and round the gas down to $4. (I wish.) That’s 10 gallons. And 5 trips is one gallon. Do I want to times 5 by 10? Or divide? I’m tired, but man, my arms are looking hot! No, I got it, it would take me 50 trips to save that money. That means (roughly) biking to work every day this summer, rain, shine or heat wave.
I should probably just get a second job.
21 responses so far ↓
heidikins // June 18, 2008 at 9:56 am
Hahaha! Math in the mornings, I love it. (And I’m with you on the second job thing…although the idea of figuring out how much money I’d save by biking to TWO jobs is almost too much to figure before breakfast.) :o)
xox
Yeah, especially when you don’t know how much the other job pays…
nancypearlwannabe // June 18, 2008 at 10:15 am
Afer spending $70 on gas yesterday I decided to use some of my end-of-year stipend money to buy a bike. I figure with it being summer, I don’t have to drive to work, so if I only use my car for trips longer than 10 miles by the end of the summer I will have saved… well, I’ll leave the math to you.
Of course, that’s only if I manage to not get run over on the streets of Boston. Because I’m pretty sure my hospital costs would be more than $4.15.
I’m pretty sure it was Lara who asked you about your thought process, although I wish it had been me because it was an interesting answer!
Yeah, I’ve learned that being hospitalized is not cost-effective.
bing // June 18, 2008 at 10:17 am
Your inner monologue had me cracking up! Ugh, math, especially in the mornings = no fun. Just think, the school buses won’t be around in a few more days so biking to work will be a lot safer!
That’s true! I kinda forgot they’re seasonal.
lizgwiz // June 18, 2008 at 10:17 am
I’m imagining that if I were to suddenly decide to bike to work, my entire inner monologue would be “shit!” Repeated ad nauseam. Maybe I’d mix it up with different curse words; I don’t know. But I definitely wouldn’t be doing math.
Ah yes, there is shome “shit,” especially when it started raining yesterday.
Dingo // June 18, 2008 at 10:19 am
I find that if I start thinking about anything serious or difficult, like math, while I run, my pace gets slower and slower until I’m virtually running backwards. So, think faster thoughts while you swim!
That happens to me, too!
courtney // June 18, 2008 at 10:30 am
At least if you’re doing math in your head, you’re not thinking about how tired you are. That’s why I’m so bad about exercising — I try to think of other things but eventually come back to being tired.
Ah yes, it always comes back to being tired.
Lara // June 18, 2008 at 10:43 am
See, I think that was Stefanie who asked, because I have no recollection of asking. T hen again, my memory is crap, and also if I was drinking at the time, well, who knows?
This was hilarious.
I guess we’ll never know.
Amanda // June 18, 2008 at 10:54 am
Hah! I think thoughts like that, about food costs, while walking to the market. “Let’s see… if I can talk them down to $6/quart for the flat of strawberries, and that makes 16 pints of jam, which would normally cost…” Usually I get confused and decide that I don’t really care, I’m buying the damn strawberries anyway.
Yeah, sometimes the stuff we do to save money costs more. I haven’t even calculated how much biking I have to do to pay off the bike gloves and the bike shirt I bought.
Pam // June 18, 2008 at 11:12 am
I love inner monologue posts!
If I posted an inner monologue for the times when I biked for my work commute (a couple years ago), my post would be something like “WTF? I am allowed to be on the road you a…ole. I see you now you make eye contact with me so I know you know I’m about to go into the HEY! a…ole… yes I am in the crosswalk now please see me yes phew you can see me thanks.”
Yeah, I had a little of that as an outer monologue yesterday.
jason // June 18, 2008 at 11:38 am
the other advantage of biking to work - aside from the measly cost savings - is your getting a work out, and if it’s sunny, a tan!
The workout yes, by on my skin, tan is not possible.
Kristabella // June 18, 2008 at 12:04 pm
I have the same kind of conversations when I’m walking. I calculate the blocks and how many city blocks are a mile and OMG! What is that woman wearing!
So when you’re swimming and you think “elbows up” do you then lean like a cholo? Elbows up, side to side.
Yeah, I like to roll while I swim. It’s supposed to be faster.
sadieandleo // June 18, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I do math in my head exactly the same way. It’s amazing how much rationalization goes into long division.
It’s like grown up word problems.
Sarah // June 18, 2008 at 1:15 pm
It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one whose head runs amok while engaged in an activity. I try to practice mindfulness, but my brain keeps trying to have a conversation with me.
Yeah, I sucked at all that meditation.
Laurel // June 18, 2008 at 1:56 pm
Lately, I just fight with my boss in my head while I run. Or, I think of ways to pull some kind of final “gotcha” on him by revealing one of his stupid decisions to the board of directors. For the sake of not burning bridges, I won’t be doing any of that, but in my head I CONQUER.
I have lots of pretend fights in my head! Sometimes that backfires.
freeandflawed // June 18, 2008 at 2:19 pm
That’s quite the inner monologue!
Just par for the course.
Allie // June 18, 2008 at 2:20 pm
Your inner monologue rocks. Especially when you interrupt yourself.
I’m easily distracted…
erikka // June 18, 2008 at 2:22 pm
wow. a look into the brain of a person from the otherside - the logic side. i so do not think in money and numbers like this. please write a training manual on how you do.
also, it was just kind of fun to read a stream of consciousness.
I think I’m just wired that way.
Adorable Girlfriend // June 18, 2008 at 2:56 pm
You bike to work?! That’s awesome.
How come nobody invited me to the meet up.
I am fun. Lots of fun. And not scary either.
I think it’s because I only found out about you like, last week.
beej // June 18, 2008 at 3:48 pm
that is exactly like the running monologue in my head!
Get out of my thoughts, man!
stefanie // June 18, 2008 at 4:49 pm
That question sounds like something Lara would ask, and yet she thinks it was me who asked. Let’s go with majority rule (since NPW said the same thing) and assume it was Lara.
I have very similar inner monologues, but I get way more distracted than that when I start trying to do math in them.
Yeah, I think we have to go with Lara.
kir // June 19, 2008 at 12:47 am
i thought of jotting down the random thoughts that have crossed my mine whilst running the marathons that I have, uh… run. unfortunately, they’ve all been along the “why the f&^% am i doing this?!?!” line.
then i finish, have some wine, and all is good.
Yeah, that would probably kill your run, too. Some thoughts just aren’t as good when they get out of your head.
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