This coming Saturday, I’m running in a 5K race. It starts on the West side of the Hudson River, crosses the Mid-Hudson bridge, and lands at the YMCA. It’s my first race since breaking my ankle. I didn’t want to do it alone, and since I didn’t think any of my kickball posse would be interested, I convinced Birmingham to do it. I figured a little goal-setting would get him used to the idea of planning for the future. You know, for the next girl who dates him.
“Now that I can run for 10 minutes on my bad ankle, I think I’m going to do the YMCA bridge run again this year.”
“Cool, I’ll watch again.”
“No, I want you to do it with me this year.”
“…”
“The first year, you watched because you weren’t ready, and the next year, you didn’t do it because Penelope did it with me. But this year you have plenty of warning, and I don’t think Penelope’s interested, so you have to do it.”
“Well what’s it for?”
“For the sake of it.”
“I mean, who gets the money?”
“It’s not for charity.”
“So why are we doing it?”
“For fun!”
“So why am I doing it?”
“Because you’re being punished.”
Should be a good time! I might even gather up some old sweatshirts so we can throw them away, and I’ll encourage Birmingham to get water from the people on the sidelines. It’s not every day that a random stranger just hands you a cup of water, after all. And because I’m not all mean, I promised I’d buy him pancakes if he finished. I might even pre-buy the pancakes and hold them out with a stick in front of him, but that just seems mean. I’ll get right on it, then.
23 responses so far ↓
neuteronomy // May 1, 2008 at 11:03 am
Punishment by running is abu ghraib-esque. Even for ex bfs.
3carnations // May 1, 2008 at 11:04 am
Ha! I love this. I picture you with a bag of things destined to go to Goodwill over your shoulder, tossing them as you run. Hope it doesn’t slow you down!
Oh…and make sure you “go before you go”.
alexa // May 1, 2008 at 11:13 am
a goal for me for a long time has been to run a 5k. i think i need a friend like you to force me to do it : )
Aaron // May 1, 2008 at 11:15 am
I like saying “fun run”. Then again, I also giggle every time I walk by the “fireman phone” jack in Mara’s apartment building.
apollocreed // May 1, 2008 at 11:23 am
You are good at punishing people. I am now scared. I hope I didn’t do anything to piss you off.
erikka // May 1, 2008 at 11:27 am
Go Punisher, Go!
stefanie // May 1, 2008 at 11:48 am
Are you punishing him for Not Fucking Proposing Already?
I’ve always hated the idea of “fixing” a boyfriend just so the next girlfriend could benefit from it. I do like the image of you dangling pancakes on a stick in front of him, though.
The Modern Gal // May 1, 2008 at 12:02 pm
It’s good to see that you’re so dedicated to his training for another woman.
Allie // May 1, 2008 at 12:15 pm
Yeah, I’m with MG, your dedication is impressive.
I’m totally picturing people running just throwing clothes up in the air like confetti.
courtney // May 1, 2008 at 12:38 pm
You are impressive. I couldn’t run 3.1 miles if I wanted to, and I don’t have a bad ankle.
Hooray for ex-BF punishment!
Anika // May 1, 2008 at 1:01 pm
How wonderful! And I don’t think the pancakes as a carrot would be so mean . . .
Laurel // May 1, 2008 at 1:47 pm
Why won’t AS do a 5K with me? Do we have to break up first? Because I am totally willing to do that to get him to run a race with me.
Good luck, you two!
andrea // May 1, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Punishment IS a good reason to do a 5k!
freeandflawed // May 1, 2008 at 2:41 pm
I’d run if you held pancakes out in front of me!
Kristabella // May 1, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Pancakes would totally get my ass up to run a 5k.
Dutchess of Kickball // May 1, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Well thank goodness I have no plans to go across the bridge this weekend. I fear with Birmingham running it could be closed for a while. You on the other hand would be across in a jiffy. Jeeze, who says “jiffy?”
mickey // May 1, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Pancakes aren’t that great. Waffles might do the trick, though.
mickey // May 1, 2008 at 8:47 pm
That may have been my weakest comment ever. Just not feeling it tonight.
kir // May 1, 2008 at 8:49 pm
Go you and you bionic ankle! I’m so looking forward to running now that I have health insurance again. I cannot wait to read all about it!
nancypearlwannabe // May 2, 2008 at 10:17 am
Maybe he’d prefer being water boarded?
jennifer // May 2, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Running would be a very effective punishment for me. I hope her learns his lesson, whatever that lesson need be.
We had field day today at the kids’ school. I am tired just from WATCHING all of that running!
Jen
The Other Courtney // May 4, 2008 at 5:33 pm
Good luck with the run! I wish I could inflict that kind of punishment on someone!
Brando // May 4, 2008 at 8:01 pm
Running can be fun? Whaaaa?
Hope everything went well with the run.
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