The Daily Tannenbaum

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Let’s just end this line of questioning already, ok?

April 25, 2008 · 15 Comments

And the last set of questions asked by people:

Seriously: are there that many people in the world who can’t tell the difference between humor and reality? - NPW
Yes. Of course, if they took it as humor, they’d have nowhere to channel their vast anger.

If you could have one talent that you do not have, what would you like it to be? - DOK
I would like to be a better at flying. Sometimes I stand in my backyard and will myself up, but I just can’t master the take-off. I bet I’d be pretty good at it once I got in the air, but I’ve never made it that far.

Okay, so here’s a question — were you to actually dine in hell, who would you want on the dinner party list? - Allie
George Clooney, because he’s so cool, it would probably lower the temperature in the room.
Sam Harris, because if there is a hell, he’s going there, and he’s my biggest theological inspiration.
Dorothy Parker, because someone has to keep the conversation going.
One of the anonymous commenters, because that’s where he or she’s going anyway, and I’d like to meet that person in real life and give him or her a piece of my mind.

If the guys from 300 are in your Sparta, please let me know as soon as possible. No reason… - Ben
I was only in Sparta for an hour, and I’m sorry to say that all the men I saw were wearing pants. Maybe I was on the wrong side of town.

What is the best thing about the city in which you live? Have you ever considered taking up rock climbing across the river at the Gunks (I relate everything to climbing somehow)? - Mickey
The best thing is probably the abundance of nature, and the ease of getting to really artistic communities. I once went rock climbing at the YMCA gym wall, and I think it’s going to take years more practice before I do that shit over water. I think the only gunk in my future is the stuff between my toes.

What are you reading now?
What’s your biggest pet peeve? - RA
-Right now, I’m reading a book called “Somebody Else’s Daughter” which is due out this summer. I’m thinking I might abandon it and start reading my book club book, “Eye Contact.” I’m also listening to “Predictably Irrational” on CD in my car, and I highly recommend it.
-Biggest pet peeve is bad driving.

(1) If you were a doughnut, what kind would you be? - Lara
Vanilla Kreme filled. IMHO, if you’re going to have (or be) a doughnut, go for broke and have the most disgustingly sugary one.

1. What is Reddit?
2. What is your favorite book?
3. What actress would play you in a movie about your life? - Kristabella
- (see yesterday’s post)
- The Crimson Petal and the White by Michael Faber
- I was kind of hoping for Maggie Gyllenhaal, although since I spend a lot of time wishing I had an itoa of the talent of Tina Fey, she wouldn’t be so bad either.

I second the who would play you in the Noelle Tannenbaum biopic question. That’s a good one. Maybe expand on it by picking an actress for the young you and an actress for the decrepit wheelchair bound old you. - Jennifer
For the young me, I’d want Abigail Breslin from “Little Miss Sunshine” and for the old me, and Sally Field, based on her work in “Forrest Gump.” Can’t tell you why, it’s just what’s stuck in my head.

How do you want to be portrayed in Beej for Hire? Do you even want to be? I haven’t included the “Noelle” character yet, and I’m wondering if you have any requests. You may answer this on your own time, and not via blog, if you so choose. - Aaron
I guess I choose to answer this on my own blog. I make a good straight man, but the rest is up to you.

Categories: oh so meta

15 responses so far ↓

  • Dutchess of Kickball // April 25, 2008 at 9:29 am

    Sally Field is an excellent choice!

    And you have a slight reprieve on climbing at the Gunks. The peregrine falcons are nesting on the ridge line again so they have closed it until the fledglings leave.

  • 3carnations // April 25, 2008 at 9:48 am

    Wow. Congrats on getting through all the questions. All very informative and entertaining answers. :)

  • RA // April 25, 2008 at 10:10 am

    Abigail Breslin, Tina Fey, and Sally Field make up a truly awesome combination. I can only ever pick Ming Na, which is cool with me because she is great, but the Asian pickins are slim.

  • Laurel // April 25, 2008 at 10:29 am

    I can see you as the upstate Tina Fey!

  • Jennifer M. // April 25, 2008 at 10:50 am

    I think that Maggie Gyllenhaal is a cool choice. I can never figure out who should play me since even though I’m obviously foreign looking, I don’t look exactly anything.

    Good answer on the doughnut question as well.

    Do you think the food in hell is any good? Or is it all vending machine sandwiches of indeterminate age?

  • Aaron // April 25, 2008 at 11:12 am

    Remember earlier this week when reading my blog caused you to have an unfulfillable craving for Snickers? Well now I want a vanilla creme filled donut. Touche.

  • Aaron // April 25, 2008 at 11:13 am

    And I second (third? fourth?) the compliments on your choice of actresses. Bravo.

  • Stefanie // April 25, 2008 at 12:51 pm

    Maggie Gyllenhaal is a good choice. I was thinking maybe I’d go with Jennifer Garner, but she may be too sunny and dimply to play me. Maybe I should go with Tina Fey (you know, if you’re not using her).

    Also, I would like to come to your dinner with Dorothy Parker, OK?

  • Vanessa // April 25, 2008 at 12:54 pm

    You and I sounds like we share the same interest in books! Bad driving? Also a huge pet peeve of mine! Come on already, you knew what was required when you got in the car! If you need more time to talk on the phone, text, change music, apply make-up, shave, read the paper etc…figure out how to do it at home!

  • Allie // April 25, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    I think you should do this regularly. I like the question/answer thing. It’s fun.

  • erikka // April 25, 2008 at 1:39 pm

    gonna add your favorite book to be next in my reading list.
    that last comment to Aaron - priceless.

  • Sarah // April 25, 2008 at 2:02 pm

    When my mom starts to get all down on me about atheism, I’m going to start saying that it’s not a philosophy or religion so much as “the destruction of bad ideas”, a la Sam Harris. Lately, I’ve been calling myself a secular humanist, which seems to make her feel better, even though it’s essentially the same thing.

  • Musing // April 26, 2008 at 8:03 pm

    >>listening to “Predictably Irrational” on CD in my car

    Once upon a time I used to listen to audio books while driving (my favorite: Reading Lolita in Tehran). I’d like to start again but now I live so close to work I don’t know if the short listening times would be as enjoyable.

    Vanilla Kreme…good choice.

  • nancypearlwannabe // April 27, 2008 at 8:56 am

    I’m with Stefanie, I’d want Jennifer Garner to play me. Even though she could kick ass much harder than I could.

  • TrebleAhead // April 27, 2008 at 5:31 pm

    Though I suspect you’ve already read this, I’ll pass it along again in case you hadn’t, as a helpful hint…

    There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to flying.

    The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Pick a nice day, it suggests, and try it.

    The first part is easy. All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and willingness not to mind that it’s going to hurt. That is, it’s going to hurt if you fail to miss the ground. Most people fail to miss the ground, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to miss it fairly hard.

    Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, which presents the difficulties.

    One problem is that you have to miss the ground accidentally. It’s no good deliberately intending to miss the ground because you won’t. You have to have your attention suddenly distracted by something else when you’re halfway there, so that you are no longer thinking about falling, or about the ground, or about how much it’s going to hurt if you fail to miss it.

    It is notoriously difficult to prise your attention away from these three things during the split second you have at your disposal. Hence most people’s failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.

    If, however, you are lucky enough to have your attention momentarily distracted at the crucial moment by, say, a gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or a bomb going off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of beetle crawling along a nearby twig, then in your astonishment you will miss the ground completely and remain bobbing just a few inches above it in what might seem to be a slightly foolish manner.

    This is a moment for superb and delicate concentration. Bob and float, float and bob. Ignore all considerations of your own weight and simply let yourself waft higher. Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.
    They are most likely to say something along the lines of, ‘Good God, you can’t possibly be flying!’
    It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.

    Waft higher and higher. Try a few swoops, gentle ones at first, then drift above the treetops breathing regularly. DO NOT WAVE AT ANYBODY.

    When you have done this a few times you will find the moment of distraction rapidly becomes easier and easier to achieve. You will then learn all sorts of things about how to control your flight, your speed, your manoeuvrability, and the trick usually lies in not thinking too hard about whatever you want to do, but just allowing it to happen as if it was going to anyway.You will also learn about how to land properly, which is something you will almost certainly cock up, and cock up badly, on your first attempt.
         — Douglas Adams, ‘The Hitch-Hikers Guide To The Galaxy,’

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