At my swim meet last weekend, I participated in the Women’s 200 Medley Relay, and anchored the team by finishing up with 50 yards of freestyle. I didn’t get the honorable anchor position because I was the fastest, I got it because my butterfly, backstroke and breast stroke are the slowest. Default! Similarly, I’ve been given the task to anchor this section of Chose Your Own Blogventure, not because I’m the best, but because I was the last to sign up. If you’re just getting here from Srah’s page, you know what to do. Read on, my friend. If you came here first, be warned this is not a regular post. This is the end of a chose your own adventure story that started at NPW’s page, and you can only get here by following the exact right combination of choices. (Or by cheating and going backwards, if you’re so inclined.) So here we go:
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continuing from Srah blah blah…
“Well, what would you like to watch?” Jake-Ryan asked again, pulling a Yankees sweatshirt over his face. That was the last straw.
“You know, I actually need to be heading out, I didn’t realize what time it was, and Go Red Sox!” Emma shouted as she made a break for the front door. Once outside, the feeling of relief struck her first, followed by slight panic that she might have rejected the last eligible non-zombie bachelor in town.
But she didn’t look back and wouldn’t let herself any regrets. Five weeks later at the tanning salon, a popular safe haven for the un-un-dead, she struck up conversation with a guy named Steve. They had much in common, and Emma let him walk her home. As the day turned to dusk, Steve casually put his arm around her for protection, and she didn’t turn him away. Everything about Steve was so right. He listened to her when she talked, and he steered her away from pools of blood still remaining on the sidewalk from last night’s attack. When they got to her place, she gave him her number, and she asked for his, along with his last name. “White. Steve White,” he said with a charming smile. Emma nodded as she thought, “if I marry him, my initials will be ‘EW.’” She gave Steve a hug goodbye, and subsequently never returned any of his calls.
As the weeks and months rolled on, Emma continued to live and date between zombie attacks. She liked Justin, but his sister was named Ella, which became confusing at family functions. Dave Amme was cute, but soundly rejected when Emma couldn’t reconcile having a palindrome for a name if they married. Peter Woodsmoke was rejected because Emma didn’t want to go through life with a name that was so close to matching a Jane Austen heroine without actually being the same name as a Jane Austen heroine. The only guy who even lasted for the better part of a year was Duckie, but he paled in comparison when she thought of Jake Ryan.
Weeks turned into months, months to years, and Emma got herself a feline companion, a lively group of friends through a book club, and a good job at the Zombie Registry Bureau. On the eve of her 37th birthday, she attended a gallery opening for a zombie-outsider art show funded by the Americans with Zombie Disabilities Act. While enjoying a mixed media piece called “Brains, glorious brains; oil on canvas with brains” she spotted a man across the room who looked strikingly similar. She walked towards him.
“Jake-Ryan Blemma?” she asked, tentatively.
“Yes, who’s ask… Emma?” he replied, falling towards her and into an awkward hug. “I’m so glad you’re still alive!” It was like no time had passed. They spent the rest of the evening catching up, going out for coffee and eventually back to his place to view that long unwatched movie.
“You know, I’ve never understood why it was you left me all those nights ago,” Jake-Ryan finally got the courage to say.
“Honestly, it was your last name. I could never get involved with a man if I couldn’t foresee taking his last name, and there was no way I could be Emma Blemma. Also, you liked the Yankees.”
“Well, there’s nothing I can do about the Yankees, I was born in The Bronx. But I can tell you that I’m no longer Jake-Ryan Blemma. It’s just Jake Ryan now.”
He went on to explain that he had married a woman whose last name was Ryan, and she didn’t want to change it, so he decided to drop his last name to match hers. He always hated Blemma, anyway. But she was killed in an attack four years ago, and he’s been living alone and working with the local police force as a zombie psychologist ever since.
The marriage was in June, and the guests raved about the orange Hostess cupcake cake. Children soon followed; a boy named Nolan, and a girl named Meg. Both grew up to be responsible citizens who teamed up to work on the celebrated cure for zombieitis. Emma and Jake retired to the seaside and lived out their days in tranquility. One a crisp October morning, Emma awoke to see a four foot tall man at the end of her bed.
“It’s time to go now,” the man said in a soft voice. Emma looked at Jake, who was still sleeping. She was surprised at herself for not being frightened, but got out of bed and took the man’s hand. Together, they walked into the sea, which enveloped her. As she turned into foam, she thought back on her life and said, “I got my wish.”
THE END
srah said,
April 4, 2008 at 9:11 am
I like that in the situation where I had her leave, she ended up with Jake and in the one where she stayed, she didn’t!
Love in the Time of Zombies!
Stefanie said,
April 4, 2008 at 9:47 am
I think my favorite part was the part where she couldn’t imagine having a palindrome for a name. It’s never occurred to me to avoid men with the last name Einafets!
Nolan and Meg… Awesome.
nancypearlwannabe said,
April 4, 2008 at 9:52 am
I love the Zombie Registry Bureau. Hilar! And also that she was worried about rejecting a boy because he might literally be the last one standing.
Laurel said,
April 4, 2008 at 9:57 am
Oh, I wish we had photos of little Nolan and Meg Ryan!
3carnations said,
April 4, 2008 at 9:57 am
Great ending! I liked that she didn’t want her initials to be EW.
I have to ask, though…I backtracked, because I didn’t think the previous post referenced the orange hostess cupcake, and it didn’t. Is that the biggest coincidence in the world, or did you and Stefanie collaborate a little?
apollocreed said,
April 4, 2008 at 10:36 am
Awesome! This was great. I have to be in on the next one!
Jess said,
April 4, 2008 at 10:38 am
Yay! I’m so glad the cupcake is back. But how did you know??
The Modern Gal said,
April 4, 2008 at 10:49 am
I’m sensing some pent-up name aggession with the whole [noelle tannenbaum] stealing your identity and causing a ruckus with your tax return.
erikka said,
April 4, 2008 at 10:50 am
this was strangely beautiful, and poetic while still being funny and gross. good job Noelle!
Elisabeth said,
April 4, 2008 at 11:10 am
That was perfect. Loved Nolan and Meg as names.
neuteronomy said,
April 4, 2008 at 11:22 am
I think this post explains why it is so hard to get a date!
Well done, madam. A fine finish!
Vanessa said,
April 4, 2008 at 11:47 am
What a great ending!
Lara said,
April 4, 2008 at 11:55 am
You are a nut and I love you for it! Excellent work, Noelle!
RA said,
April 4, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Oh, a happy ending! I love the string of poorly-named fellas, though.
I don’t quite get the very end. Is she a mermaid? Is there some mythology that I don’t know about?
Sarah said,
April 4, 2008 at 12:59 pm
I think she should have stayed with Steve. Steering her away from pools of blood in the street is about as romantic of a thing as I’ve ever heard.
mickey said,
April 4, 2008 at 1:34 pm
Little Nolan Ryan would put any zombies in a head lock and punch the crap out of them! Good choice.
I think a palindrome name would be cool.
Chris said,
April 4, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Blemma Blemma Foh Femma Banana Fana Foh Femma Me My Moh Memma… Bleeeemmmmma!
Sorry, couldn’t resist.
courtney said,
April 4, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Awww. Emma meets a much happier fate in yours than she does in mine.
Anika said,
April 5, 2008 at 3:19 am
This has kept me entertained today; I finally got to your ending – love it! Fabulous idea, fabulous fun.
Allie said,
April 5, 2008 at 8:31 am
That was awesome! I love it!
Kristabella said,
April 5, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Awesome job! Love the kids’ names!
Sobe said,
April 6, 2008 at 7:58 pm
I came here first. That was my adventure.
Aaron said,
April 7, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Ah, this made me happy on a variety of levels.
kir said,
April 9, 2008 at 8:17 pm
Niiiice (and yes, I finally got to yours — almost a week after the fact!) if my matty read blogs, yours would definitely be his favorite. he loves them zombies.