Comments on: Black Sheep

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 21:49:23 +0000

I feel the same way about my job in the nonprofit sector. In a way, I feel like non-corporate people feel bizarrely entitled to happiness, positive feedback, creative latitude, seniority etc… in their jobs, whether or not they deserve it.

By: sara

sara — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:10:05 +0000

I’ll go anonomous on this one, but just wanted to say, I hear you. Working at a church is even worse than at a college. I once worked in a church office where all the office ladies would gather for lunch and NEVER invite me to join them. It was so trying. I never really had a solution, except to leave and go home to have lunch with my husband – we only lived five minutes away. But it was still a slap in the face and made me feel very lonely, in an environment that I totally expected to be more welcoming than some of the cubicle jobs I’ve had.

You are not alone, sister.

By: Pam

Pam — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 16:08:09 +0000

I am right with you on the mid-30-something questioning. I am single, no kids, and was changing companies every 2-3 years. I made many friends and professional contacts at those jobs over the years that i have stayed in touch with over the years. However at my current position, there are very few women in my age range.

While it sucks that I rarely have anyone to ask to go to lunch and can sometimes seem lonely, it does make it much easier for me to keep work like and personal life separate, which is something I struggled with for a long time.

Maybe this opportunity to post and vent anonymously will help the fates bring you some answers and solutions in the near future. Good luck!

By: Ann

Ann — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 19:28:03 +0000

I hear you on the social isolation thing, although I’m an introvert so it doesn’t hit me quite as hard. Are there other social opportunities – sports leagues, continuing ed classes, community groups that you could get involved in?

Good luck.

By: erikka

erikka — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 18:56:21 +0000

I thought when I turned 30 all my problems would be solved? The big THEY always said the 20s are the tumultuous times of ones’life, not the 30s!!!! Oh ye fickle gods!

Doubt and questioning everything seems to be a part of life, a cycle that will continue to come and go. This sounds so new agey and self help-esque BUT why run or fret about having these questions? Why not try to answer them?

Not having a support group will add to your doubts, so its unfortunate these things all have to coincide. It may be that there is another big change coming in your future, who knows? this situation happened to me about 2 years ago. i was loving my job but had no social network at all in or outside of my job. i felt like my direct boss was monopolizing the staff as HER friends, she was there FIRST, leaving me no room to grow. This and later learning I had no potential promotions forced me to consider my options elsewhere, which led me to pack up and move to Boston. A lot has changed since, good and bad, but without the weird colliding of events, I wouldn’t be here. So far, I think I wouldn’t go back on what happened.

I hope you come out the other side saying the same thing.

Cheers!

By: nancypearlwannabe

nancypearlwannabe — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 18:52:22 +0000

This is a tough one. I’ve had jobs before where I had acquaintances but never made any real friends. Fortunately, they were all temporary jobs and I had an end in sight, but when you’ve relocated your life for something it seems like it would be harder to accept.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 18:39:45 +0000

If you are discovering that you prefer to live in the big city and work for a corporation, then maybe you should consider going back? I know that it takes a ton of courage to make a change like that, and it becomes particularly difficult when there is a significant other involved. I am an HR consultant for a large corporation based in the midwest. Although I miss academia, there are definitely things that I like about the corporate world. People definitely seem to get back to you a lot faster than they do in academia!

By: elise

elise — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 16:46:29 +0000

I am SO, SO with you. And if this is 30-something questioning, then I got a head start, because I am 27 and am struggling with the exact same sort of questions. I am on the brink of making SOME kind of move, either a physical one, to a new location, or a mental one, where I settle with what I’ve got going now. Both seem equally scary, and more so because I wonder if no matter what I’ll choose, I’ll be right back in the same place a few years later, wondering what would have happened if I chose the other way.

As my husband likes to say, a lot of my problems lie between my ears, not necessarily anywhere else.

By: Allie

Allie — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 16:34:50 +0000

I am totally with you. 30-something questioning is so much worse than teen angst.

I relocated to a place with lots of locals too. It’s hard to break in. Eventually, I found other people in the same boat, and things got worlds better, but there were some serious growing pains in the beginning.

I hope things get better!

By: stefanie

stefanie — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 16:31:30 +0000

I do think to some extent this is normal thirtysomething thought processing about life and one’s place in it. On the other hand, that sounds like a very valid list of concerns or complaints. (You don’t sound unjustifiably whiny at all.) I can’t help wondering what the plusses of staying in that job and that town are! I hope there are good things, too, and it’s just that the good things aren’t things you need to vent. Good luck!