Hi all! I’m very excited to be part of -R-’s second (now) semi-annual blog share! The following post is not written by me, but by a person who had something to say that he or she couldn’t say on his or her blog. I also wrote a post anonymously on another blog. If you happen to stumble upon it, you might recognize it as me, but please don’t say anything to give me away! Same goes if you recognize this blogger. At the end of the post, after the jump, you’ll find a list of all the participants so you can go, read and enjoy. And don’t forget to leave a comment for my guest! – Noelle
The first 12 years of my professional career were spent in corporate
America. I loved what I did and who I worked for and was very proud
of the product I was involved in creating. Two years ago I chose to
leave corporate America, relocate from a major city to a small town,
and take a job at a small, liberal arts university – which also
happens to be my Alma Mater. I love what I get paid to do – even more
than I did before switching career paths – but there are certain
aspects of this career and life change that have been more difficult
for me than I anticipated.
Some of the things I am struggling with:
1. I feel creatively blocked.
The company I worked for in corporate America was full of creative,
well-educated and intelligent people. I still work with well-educated
people, but also many others who have simply grown up around the town
and haven’t experienced much outside of the tri-county area we are
situated in. Instead of attending brainstorming meetings I now attend
serious, focused meetings where little humor is acceptable and is
usually quite misunderstood. I miss laughing during my work day.
2. I feel isolated.
To take this job I relocated from the city I had lived in for twelve
years to a very small town. I haven’t found any real friends, yet (I
know…I sound whiny). I’ve never been one to draw much of a line
between my work and my personal life, but there isn’t anyone I now
work with who I desire to have a friendship with. Additionally, so
many people have grown up in the area that they either are related to
half of the people at the university or already have a social base
well established and aren’t interested in trying to expand it.
3. I find my personal life and my professional life conflict at times.
I work at my Alma Mater. I am not just a staff member, but I am an
alumna. I also am the sponsor for the sorority I was involved in as a
student. Now, when I am at alumni events I am working and not simply
catching up with friends and classmates. There are policies of the
university I disagree with as an alum, but as a staff member I have to
support. Today, I was reminded by my supervisor that I need to
remember I am first a staff member and second an alum and a Greek.
This, I believe, was an unnecessary comment as I believe I am very
good at publicly supporting the policies currently held by the school
(even when I do personally disagree).
4. I am not a member of the “in” group.
This goes back to so many people I work with having grown up in the
area and/or being related. I hold the title of “Director.” However,
I feel I am not held at the same level of respect as others who have
positions lateral to (and sometimes below) mine. I see the same
people day after day going to lunch together and gathering in each
other’s offices for chatting and then observing conversation stop when
I enter the area. People even make after work or weekend plans right
in front of me and don’t invite me to join in.
5. I don’t like playing games.
There is SO much more politicking and game playing at my current
employer than I ever saw in corporate America. In large corporations
expectations of performance are spelled out and well-documented. I
received two reviews a year with both accomplishments and areas of
growth listed. My supervisor and I were on the same page – at least
through legal documentation. Now, most things are very vague. I have
never received an evaluation or a yearly objective. I see people
promoted who are less qualified than me and who have similar
performance records and it seems I am passed over because I am not
part of the established community.
I don’t regret making the career move or the relocation move. I’ve
just discovered it is much more challenging to create a new and
comfortable life than I expected it to be. Being in my mid-thirties
most of my peers are in the midst of raising families. My husband and
I chose not to have children and we were fortunate enough while living
in the city to land ourselves in an amazing group of friends who were
also childless. We have yet to find those friends in our new small
town life.
I’m a social person. I gain energy from interacting with others. I
am most motivated when I am working toward a tangible deadline. I am
also fairly paranoid and obsessive about what others think of me or
what I think they think about me. I tend to assume I have done
something wrong even when I haven’t. All of this blends together to
make me feel fairly neurotic.
Maybe all of this is just a part of what being thirty-something is all
about. Maybe everyone in their mid-thirties starts questioning their
purpose, their choices and their existence and maybe I just don’t have
anyone around I can bounce my concerns off of and get feedback from.
Maybe I just need someone to tell me to chill out and calm down.
Maybe I’ll never know. Honestly, I don’t even know how to end this
because I could ramble on and on with my insecurities and doubts.
Are you with me?
The Adventures of Shelagh
Alice’s Wonderland
Alyndabear
And You Know What Else
Bright Yellow World
Daily Tannenbaum
Du Wax Loolu
Elise
Everything I Like Causes Cancer
Face Down
Fretting the Small Stuff
For the Long Run
Galoot’s Hoot Page
Granted Null
Grumpy Frump
Just Below 63
Lawyerish
Life After AC
Liz Land
Malfeasance
Mamma Ren
Muse On Vacation
Muze News
Nancy Pearl Wannabe
Not What You Think It Is
One New Duck
Rankin Inlet: A Journey Northwards
Red Red Whine
Reflections in the Snow-Covered Hills
The Reluctant Blogger
Sass Attack
Sauntering Soul
Sparkling Cipher
Stefanie Says
Three Carnations
Tracy Out Loud
Way Way Up
The Dutchess of Kickball said,
February 27, 2008 at 8:49 am
I also work at a college and it seems like it is a completely different world than my previous corporate positions. Although much more corporate than the mom-and-pop jobs I’ve had even though they were corporate type positions.
The problem with this Blogshare is that I want to read more from this author the nature of the beast is keep her from being found.
mickey said,
February 27, 2008 at 9:43 am
I wish I could give you some useful advice or encouragement, but if I were in your situation I’d probably just keep floating around the fringes of acceptance and never do anything proactive about it. And that would really suck.
lizgwiz said,
February 27, 2008 at 10:48 am
It becomes increasingly hard to make new friends as we age, I think, regardless of the situation. People get locked into their routines, and their groups, and it’s hard both to let people in and to GET in. It makes me sad–I meet people sometimes I KNOW I would like to be friends with, but it just doesn’t happen. We’re both busy, we don’t see the friends we already have as often as we’d like. My best friend lives almost a thousand miles away, and thank god for cellphones and email, but sometimes I wish I could get a “local” backup best friend, too.
Hang in there!
Anon said,
February 27, 2008 at 11:04 am
While I have obviously not been in this exact situation, I have moved around a lot, and I have been kept out of the “cool group” before at work. It sucks. It is hard. I am with you!
stefanie said,
February 27, 2008 at 11:31 am
I do think to some extent this is normal thirtysomething thought processing about life and one’s place in it. On the other hand, that sounds like a very valid list of concerns or complaints. (You don’t sound unjustifiably whiny at all.) I can’t help wondering what the plusses of staying in that job and that town are! I hope there are good things, too, and it’s just that the good things aren’t things you need to vent. Good luck!
Allie said,
February 27, 2008 at 11:34 am
I am totally with you. 30-something questioning is so much worse than teen angst.
I relocated to a place with lots of locals too. It’s hard to break in. Eventually, I found other people in the same boat, and things got worlds better, but there were some serious growing pains in the beginning.
I hope things get better!
elise said,
February 27, 2008 at 11:46 am
I am SO, SO with you. And if this is 30-something questioning, then I got a head start, because I am 27 and am struggling with the exact same sort of questions. I am on the brink of making SOME kind of move, either a physical one, to a new location, or a mental one, where I settle with what I’ve got going now. Both seem equally scary, and more so because I wonder if no matter what I’ll choose, I’ll be right back in the same place a few years later, wondering what would have happened if I chose the other way.
As my husband likes to say, a lot of my problems lie between my ears, not necessarily anywhere else.
Sarah said,
February 27, 2008 at 1:39 pm
If you are discovering that you prefer to live in the big city and work for a corporation, then maybe you should consider going back? I know that it takes a ton of courage to make a change like that, and it becomes particularly difficult when there is a significant other involved. I am an HR consultant for a large corporation based in the midwest. Although I miss academia, there are definitely things that I like about the corporate world. People definitely seem to get back to you a lot faster than they do in academia!
nancypearlwannabe said,
February 27, 2008 at 1:52 pm
This is a tough one. I’ve had jobs before where I had acquaintances but never made any real friends. Fortunately, they were all temporary jobs and I had an end in sight, but when you’ve relocated your life for something it seems like it would be harder to accept.
erikka said,
February 27, 2008 at 1:56 pm
I thought when I turned 30 all my problems would be solved? The big THEY always said the 20s are the tumultuous times of ones’ life, not the 30s!!!! Oh ye fickle gods!
Doubt and questioning everything seems to be a part of life, a cycle that will continue to come and go. This sounds so new agey and self help-esque BUT why run or fret about having these questions? Why not try to answer them?
Not having a support group will add to your doubts, so its unfortunate these things all have to coincide. It may be that there is another big change coming in your future, who knows? this situation happened to me about 2 years ago. i was loving my job but had no social network at all in or outside of my job. i felt like my direct boss was monopolizing the staff as HER friends, she was there FIRST, leaving me no room to grow. This and later learning I had no potential promotions forced me to consider my options elsewhere, which led me to pack up and move to Boston. A lot has changed since, good and bad, but without the weird colliding of events, I wouldn’t be here. So far, I think I wouldn’t go back on what happened.
I hope you come out the other side saying the same thing.
Cheers!
Ann said,
February 27, 2008 at 2:28 pm
I hear you on the social isolation thing, although I’m an introvert so it doesn’t hit me quite as hard. Are there other social opportunities – sports leagues, continuing ed classes, community groups that you could get involved in?
Good luck.
Pam said,
February 28, 2008 at 11:08 am
I am right with you on the mid-30-something questioning. I am single, no kids, and was changing companies every 2-3 years. I made many friends and professional contacts at those jobs over the years that i have stayed in touch with over the years. However at my current position, there are very few women in my age range.
While it sucks that I rarely have anyone to ask to go to lunch and can sometimes seem lonely, it does make it much easier for me to keep work like and personal life separate, which is something I struggled with for a long time.
Maybe this opportunity to post and vent anonymously will help the fates bring you some answers and solutions in the near future. Good luck!
sara said,
February 28, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I’ll go anonomous on this one, but just wanted to say, I hear you. Working at a church is even worse than at a college. I once worked in a church office where all the office ladies would gather for lunch and NEVER invite me to join them. It was so trying. I never really had a solution, except to leave and go home to have lunch with my husband – we only lived five minutes away. But it was still a slap in the face and made me feel very lonely, in an environment that I totally expected to be more welcoming than some of the cubicle jobs I’ve had.
You are not alone, sister.
Anonymous said,
February 28, 2008 at 4:49 pm
I feel the same way about my job in the nonprofit sector. In a way, I feel like non-corporate people feel bizarrely entitled to happiness, positive feedback, creative latitude, seniority etc… in their jobs, whether or not they deserve it.