I shouldn’t let another moment go by without mentioning the coolest thing I did this weekend. I went to a seminar at Adam’s Fairacre Farms called “Getting to Know Tofu.” I had to drive all the way to Newburgh to get to it, as I had missed it when it was at my local Adam’s last week. I missed it because I went on a date with a guy who later emailed me saying, “I don’t want to lead you on.” So let that be a lesson to you ladies: if you have the choice between tofu and a man, take the tofu! It may be a bit slimy, but you can keep it in your freezer for up to six months! (As I learned at the seminar.)
I loved this seminar. Before going to it, me and tofu were friendly acquaintances. You’d find me chunking it up to add to some ramen, or maybe throwing in a stir fry. But now that I’ve really gotten to know tofu, I am prepared to make at least 3 new dishes by mashing it into burgers, freezing and crumbling it into fried rice, and blending it into corn soup. The woman who introduced the crowd to the soy by-product that is produced by straining pureed beans and adding a coagulate was named Irma Chang. I’m not sure what made her qualified to teach us about tofu, but she had this great accent and staccato delivery that made me giddy each time she said “tofu” with the accent on the “fooo”. Even though she greeted suggestions from the audience with stony silence, she loved the idea of teaching us important life lessons.
For instance, if you buy a pound of tofu on Monday, and use half of it to make fried rice, you’re going to want to put the remaining tofu in fresh water and refrigerate it to use on Tuesday. But on Tuesday, if you have friends invite you to dinner, you’re going to want to change that water and use the tofu on Wednesday. But if on Wednesday, relatives show up out of nowhere and take you to dinner, and you don’t want to waste that tofu, what you do is drain the water, cut the tofu in small pieces, put each piece in a plastic bag, and freeze them until spring. (Or so.) She was really big on the idea of freezing things in individual serving sizes, including oatmeal, which she does by making the entire container at once. I can’t even imagine how big her freezer has to be to do that. The oatmeal talk came up because she suggested using it as a substitute for ground beef in her mushroom tofu-burger recipe, which this vegetarian only realized was made with ground beef after trying a bite.
But let me get to the best part of all. Free seminars bring out a strange crowd. I wasn’t by any means expecting it to be singles night at the Roxy, but I held out a small glimmer of hope of finding the next Mr. Noelle Tannenbaum in the audience. (I’m looking for him EVERYWHERE now.) But instead, I only found the world’s hippest couple that side of the Hudson, a bunch of old granola types, a 95-year-old woman and a 70-year-old man in a skirt. Let me say that again: a man in a skirt. No, he was not en route to a Scottish festival, or even wearing a utility kilt. He had draped his waist with an ankle-length orange-patterned piece of fleece, and tied it with a brown belt. I could not tell if there were pants or any other vehicle of modesty under the skirt. When he got up to stand near the front (with his wife!) to hear better and take copious notes, the 95-year-old woman turned to me and said, “is he wearing a skirt?” I nodded, glad not to be the only one who thought something was amiss, and also glad that for the first time in my life, I had a reason to bond with a nonogenarian.
And yes, from now on I promise, pinky-swear that I will carry a camera with me at all times. Maybe he’ll show up at the next seminar, “Make a miniature indoor Fairy Garden.”
nancypearlwannabe said,
January 28, 2008 at 5:14 pm
Wow. Now that you have the cast off you are going ALL OUT. Which means you definitely have to learn how to make a fairy garden and teach us all, preferably with a vlog.
That will be use #2 for the camera.
JC said,
January 28, 2008 at 5:40 pm
I have never heard “vehicle of modesty” before. That is excellent. I hope I have cause to use it myself one day.
Feel free to take that into the world and multiply.
Aaron said,
January 28, 2008 at 6:33 pm
Do you not own a cell phone with camera capabilities? Time to upgrade, Miss Christmas Tree.
I still remember the Thanksgiving I got stuck eating Tofurkey with my then-girlfriend. It actually didn’t seem that bad, until later that night when I swung by my parents’ and tasted some real turkey.
Oh, great: now I want turkey.
Left the cell phone in the car. I never do that, except when I absolutely need to have it.
Allie said,
January 28, 2008 at 6:56 pm
Hahahahaha. The idea that this Irma lady makes a whole container of oatmeal and freezes it — like it’s really freaking hard to make oatmeal — got me giggling, but the orange skirt really takes the cake.
I’m with NPW, you have to take the fairy garden class.
It was nice that your date from last week e-mailed to let you know he’s a tool. It’s good to know these things upfront.
Sadly, it took three dates and being stood up for the 4th before the email happened. I made oatmeal for breakfast this morning. It was quite easy.
Anika said,
January 28, 2008 at 7:48 pm
I’m so impressed that you drove all the way to Newburgh for a Tofu seminar, and it sounds ever so interesting! Too bad you couldn’t get a picture of the man in a skirt – that is so bizarre!
The seminar was on the way to the Apple store, but yes, I do care that much about tofu.
supersobe said,
January 28, 2008 at 8:35 pm
Tofu skeeves me out. I used to have an aunt who wanted to raise her kids vegetarian but the doctors said she had to give them some meat (this was before we were all educated) so she gave them hot dogs. Anyway, she made these tofu burgers that were beyond disgusting.
“I don’t want to lead you on” … what a tool. I’m sorry.
Tofu needs some better press, I think.
stefanie said,
January 28, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Utility kilt? Well damned if you don’t teach me something new nearly every day, Noelle…
Also, I’m with JC–”vehicle of modesty”? Awesome.
If I was a dude, I would be totally into utility kilts. Back in the film days I knew an AD who wore them.
-R- said,
January 29, 2008 at 9:03 am
I am inspired to make something with tofu and then tricking mu husband into eating it. After he says he likes it, I will reveal that the meal contained tofu. Then he will probably get mad and yell something about hating hippies.
Irma Chang originally made the burgers with half meat half tofu to fool a meat eater.
mickey said,
January 29, 2008 at 9:51 am
What’s the point of using tofu in the burger if it already has ground beef? I’m sure you wondered the same thing. Totally misleading.
I’ll join the parade of props for “vehicle of modesty.” Nice turn.
I guess so you use less of a cow? A gateway foodstuff?
lizgwiz said,
January 29, 2008 at 10:23 am
I love tofu, but I hardly ever experiment with it myself. I just buy it already toyed with. Hee.
Maybe the skirt guy just likes his bits to breathe.
I thought maybe it was a comfort thing, but his belt was on so tight… I don’t want to think about it.
courtney said,
January 29, 2008 at 10:31 am
Tofu grosses me out a little bit, but there’s no good reason for it. Since I’m trying to cut meat out of my life more and more, I really should give it a fair shot.
Let us know what you think of those recipes, and post them if they’re good!
I’m going to try one tonight, so I’ll let you know. Tofu’s best when you don’t try and make it do exactly what meat does.
erikka said,
January 29, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Hahaha! What a fun adventure going to hippy, alternative type events can be. I find my sunday trips to the UU church are similar…there’s always a certain type of people one can expect there.
Ever noticed that the consistency of tofu feels an awful lot like…something else?
I do not even know what you are talking about. Unless you think that tofu feels like jello, I don’t want to know.
Pam said,
January 29, 2008 at 1:12 pm
I’m trying to determine which grosses me out more….chunks of tofu or lizgwiz’s reference to the nonogenarian’s bits. (Sorry, I’m not a tofu fan.)
Make sure you don’t zoom in on anything that might be under the kilt.
That’s maybe why it’s good not to have a camera. And really, tofu’s not that bad. Give it a fair shake!
erikka said,
January 29, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Hahaha! I was not talking about Jello…it was a bit cruder than that…
as a gift, maybe a late birthday present, email me what you would like to see in cross stitch and I’ll make it for you! i sometimes need concrete projects in order to get myself motivated and working.
smadaakkire at gmail dot com.
Mermu said,
January 29, 2008 at 6:16 pm
I found this article about Ramen and thought you might like it.
http://food.yahoo.com/blog/continentalchef/739/dress-up-ramen-for-dinner-in-minutes
ode in recipes « Radical Muffin said,
January 30, 2008 at 1:14 pm
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