I really can’t live alone. No wait, let me rephrase that: I shouldn’t live alone. If someone were here to keep an eye on me, I wouldn’t do such stupid things.
Take Saturday night, for instance. Since I resolved to keep my stove clean in 2008, I knew I was going to have to start using that smelly sponge that sits on my kitchen sink. I honestly don’t know a better way to clean without wasting a bunch of paper towels. Tonight’s dinner at Chez Cottage was ramen noodles, which I can’t make without spilling on the stove, (I like to stir them for the entire 3 minute cooking period) so it was time to make good on my resolution.
As I’m stirring, I remembered that I read somewhere that all the bacteria can be removed from a sponge by microwaving it for two minutes. Figuring that the bacteria was the source of the smell, I popped that sucker in on high for two minutes right as the ramen finished.
The result? Within 30 seconds, the smell of wet sponge became amplified through the entire kitchen. But did that make me stop the microwave? No. Of course not. I figured that the microwave’s radiation would make the smell would go away eventually. It was just a matter of sitting through the initial smell.
At the one minute mark, I realized that if I’m going to be lazy and eat ramen right out of the pot, I can’t put the pot directly on the plastic placemats. Next year, when I take them out for Christmas again, there will be one that’s warped in the center in exactly the shape of my pot, and I can remember this night. (Oh, and the sponge was still smelling bad.)
After a minute and a half of the sponge being in the microwave, the smell got even worse, and developed a bit of a mesquite overtone.
Right as the two minutes were up, I thought it would be prudent to double check on that sponge. I opened the microwave door and there was my sponge, charred and smoking. The stink was horrific, so I opened up the back door and threw the now flaming sponge into the snow. As it sat there smoldering and billowing noxious smoke, I grabbed my shovel and buried it in a pile of snow to get the fire out.
Then, it was time to return to my kitchen, which now was filled with stink and smoke. I hobbled up to the closet upstairs (still not quite in full walking mode here) and grabbed the box fan, and opened the back door and the front door to try and get some cross ventilation, because having all doors to your house open is a great thing to do in the middle of winter. Especially when you pay $3 a gallon for oil heat.
Sunday morning, the melting snow revealed all:
Obviously, one should not put a sponge in a microwave for upwards of two minutes. It is not the same as microwaving a Boca Burger. (Although some anti-vegetarians out there may say they have the same taste.) So I went back through my RSS feeds to find the article that led me to believe this was a good thing. It turns out that it was the crazy folk at the BBC who claimed microwave dishcloth cleaning was the number 6 thing they learned in 2007. Of course, silly me, I didn’t click on the link to the full article, which leads off in big bold letters:
Firefighters have warned of the dangers of zapping sponges and cloths in the microwave despite a study showing it could kill harmful bacteria.
Then it goes on to say that despite the risk of fire, microwaves make great sterilizers. But that’s way down at the bottom.
So here is what a completely sterlilized sponge looks like:
From now on I’m just going to let my stove get messy. That’s the upside of living alone. Sure, there’s no one to stop you from the extreme stupid, but there’s also no one to judge you because last month’s pasta sauce is still splattered about. Also, I’m sure my neighbors love it, because they were the recipients of the banana bread I made to try and cover up the lingering smell in the kitchen.
24 responses so far ↓
tinetastic // January 6, 2008 at 9:57 pm
next time you decide to nuke your sponge, place it in a shallow dish soaking in water and lemon juice. it won’t catch fire, and the boiling water with lemon will make it smell better.
That’s a good idea!
Allie // January 6, 2008 at 10:48 pm
Tinetastic, that’s an awesome idea.
I have been trying to keep the stove clean too. Here’s what I’ve been doing — I have a zillion dish towels, and put a new one out every day. Then when I’m done doing the dishes, I take the towel and wipe down the stove. Then the towel goes directly into a laundry hamper that I keep in the kitchen. I have been doing this successfully for three days. We’ll see if it lasts. You could also just keep a bin of cut up old t-shirts, etc. and use those to clean the stove.
None of this is nearly as entertaining as reading about setting a sponge on fire, but it might be safer and less stinky.
I could go the dishtowel route. I’m stingy with using them because I don’t have a washer on the property. T-shirts is a good idea, too.
rdl // January 6, 2008 at 10:57 pm
I disinfect mine in the dishwasher ( do you have one?) or do you have dollar stores out there in the boonies? buy more sponges. hope u don’t mind my 2 cents.
funny post!!
No dishwasher, and according to the article, that doesn’t really work. My biggest problem is being too cheap and lazy to get more sponges.
stefanie // January 6, 2008 at 11:19 pm
I was going to suggest the dishwasher thing, too, but I’m sort of guessing your charming old little cottage doesn’t have one. So barring that, I’ll second the cut-up old t-shirts idea. I do something similar, but with pieces of a cut-up old towel.
Oh, and tossing a sponge in the microwave because someone on the Internet told me to, and then finding out it was a terrible idea is totally something I would do. So don’t feel bad.
I’m glad I’m not the only one!
Deb on the Rocks // January 7, 2008 at 12:04 am
See what happens when you don’t ask the hive mind FIRST?
But, wow, not everyone lays claim to a trophy like that sponge.
It’s true, I should blog before I do anything new. Ya’ll are full of ideas.
Mermu // January 7, 2008 at 12:29 am
Hmmm, what else do you do that the internet says is a good idea?
Now I know what to get you next Christmas!.
My birthday is coming up, too…
-R- // January 7, 2008 at 12:41 am
I use cut-up old t-shirts too.
I think you should just consider your sponge experiment as a hilarious scientific experiment.
Oh, I do.
Aaron // January 7, 2008 at 7:37 am
I think the charbroiled sponge pic should be your new header graphic. Just my two cents.
I’ll see about that.
nancypearlwannabe // January 7, 2008 at 7:56 am
Hey- we’ve totally microwaved sponges and they’ve never ended up charred! Maybe it has to be completely wet for it to not burn? I guess we also throw them away fairly often though, which may be better in avoiding the bacteria and the smell.
I’m probably going to throw them away from now on.
nancypearlwannabe // January 7, 2008 at 8:15 am
Also, this has nothing to do with sponges, but we just finished watching all of the last season of BSG, AND we watched the Razor movie. Now there’s really nothing left until March, or whenever the show comes back on…
OMG. Did it not totally BLOW YOUR MIND???
The Dutchess of Kickball // January 7, 2008 at 8:38 am
Yeah, but I bet there isn’t a speck of bacteria on that sponge now!
That’s what I’m saying…
stilettoheights // January 7, 2008 at 8:51 am
I do the same ramen noodle stirring thing….one time there was so much bubbling and splashing that I burned my belly (I was wearing a tank top and yoga pants, hence exposed belly)
the sponge thing made me both laugh and then sort if gag.
do you want me to send you a new sponge??
Any sponge you would send me would be too beautiful to allow bacteria to grow upon it.
mickey // January 7, 2008 at 8:56 am
I agree with the Dutchess: there ain’t nothin’ living on that sponge. So mission accomplished!
I shall now clean my stove with charcoal.
John // January 7, 2008 at 8:59 am
I’m 99% sure you can microwave a sponge - but it must be completely dry. Otherwise you will have your olafactory experience.
It was completely dry.
Book Nerd // January 7, 2008 at 10:17 am
Ha! This is totally something I would do, if I didn’t have the ALP around for a dose of healthy skepticism. Not that he hasn’t had his share of crack-brained, internet-inspired ideas.
What’s funny is that some people say the sponge has to be entirely wet/soaked not to explode, and some say it should be entirely dry. Once again, the internet offers too many answers…
I think that neither wet nor dry sponges should be nuked.
lizgwiz // January 7, 2008 at 10:45 am
I cook my ramen noodles in the microwave. No muss, no fuss. (Guess that wouldn’t work if I was determined to stir them constantly, though.)
I heard a story once that someone was advised to microwave their underwear while suffering a yeast infection (to keep from recontaminating, I suppose) and set their microwave on fire. I think I’ll just use my microwave for food products!
Oh, I’ve got this whole very specific routine with the ramen. It could never be microwaved. LOL about the underpants.
supersobe // January 7, 2008 at 12:48 pm
Please don’t ever microwave Mr. Met.
I put mine* in the dishwasher and replace once a month.
*My sponge, not my underwear.
Oh, for a minute I thought you dishwashed your Mr. Met!
Kiraa // January 7, 2008 at 4:58 pm
Wow…sponges gross me the fuck out. I do everything I can do keep them clean including washing them in the dishwasher and/or washing machine but microwaving them is something I wouldn’t have thought of - THANK GOD.
EvilKate // January 7, 2008 at 7:32 pm
they are cheap enough, so I just replace often. I appreciate your trying to save the sponge though.
courtney // January 7, 2008 at 8:30 pm
Awesome! New Year’s resolutions are made to be broken anyway.
gregorymeyer // January 7, 2008 at 10:18 pm
I think you should start a band called The Flaming Sponges.
kir // January 8, 2008 at 2:37 am
i thought it was 30 seconds and completely damp? Oh what do i know.
Erikka // January 8, 2008 at 1:36 pm
i think it is nuking it for like, 20 seconds! not 2 minutes
haven’t we all tried to warm up milk in our room mates’ electric pot only to curdle and burn, thus resulting in the whole dorm smelling like burnt milk?
or is that just me and you who make mistakes?
peace be with you in this time of struggle Noelle…
Brando // January 8, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Emerging out of the snow, it looks like a scorched monkey’s paw, but in sponge form. Be careful not to make any wishes around it.
Leave a Comment