Damn, as soon as you promise not to write, there’s stuff to write about. Forget that I said that, okay? What I really meant was that if I don’t write, don’t worry, it’s because I’m busy making pumpkin pies and wrapping presents and that junk.
I must make note of the fact that today is the greatest day of the year. From today until somewhere in the middle of June, the days will only get longer. Each day will be one day closer to the time when I can wake up for swimming at 5:30 and it will be light out.
Speaking of, I went swimming today. The feeling I get from smelling chlorine on my skin during the day makes me euphoric.
I love driving my car, and since I started doing it, I remembered that I like to sing. I only sing in the car, and I didn’t realize how much I do it, and how much I like it and that I only do it in the car until this morning when my voice came back. Thanks, radio!
Oh, and when I was driving to swimming this morning, I realized I can’t let the whole season go by without a small manifesto:
We, as a collective people have to do something about inflatable Christmas ornaments on suburban lawns.
1. They are ugly when they are inflated.
2. They waste energy with their fans and their lights.
3. They are ugly when they are deflated.
4. All they do is express the laziness of the homeowner who couldn’t be bothered to put up real decorations.
5. They are ugly when they are covered with snow.
6. I passed a display this morning where a snowman was behind a Santa. They were both slightly deflated and leaning forward. To this girl’s eye, it looked a lot like the snowman was taking Santa from behind which is both anatomically and emotionally impossible.
We need to ban these things, forever and ever and ever and ever, please, Santa hear my cry.
Before I go, here’s an observation. After swimming today, I went to physical therapy. More marbles! (That’s not the observation.) On the way out, I was in the elevator with an elderly man and a very pregnant woman. I am a fan of societal convention. It’s not that I need a man to hold a door open for me, but those assigned roles mean that if a man and I both approach a door at the exact same time, it’s less confusing for both parties to know that one person is the holder and the other is the walker. Things run smoothly. Like a 4-way-stop when cars go first come, first serve. So here we are in the elevator, three of us standing an equal distance from the door. We get to the ground floor and the doors open. Do I go first because I’m a woman and temporarily handicapped? Does the lady who is walking for two and doing her part to propagate the species go first? Or does the man who has trouble walking on a good day go first? I bit the bullet and went first because I felt the other two hesitate. I can’t say I felt good about it. This is why people don’t like hospitals. What do you think?
Posted by mickey on December 21, 2007 at 4:08 pm
I’m surprised the three of you are not still standing in that evevator. Quite the conundrum.
I couldn’t agree more about the inflatables, unless they could all be arranged in such compromising positions as you describe. Then the wasted energy would be totally worth it.
Posted by stefanie on December 21, 2007 at 4:37 pm
I am so glad I am not the only one who would overanalyze that convention.
I am also glad I’m not the only one who hates inflatable Christmas decorations. (I wrote about that today myself, as you may or may not have seen. If you did not see it before you complained about too, well, then great minds think alike.)
“Both anatomically and emotionally impossible” made me laugh out loud. So true, my friend.
Posted by lizgwiz on December 21, 2007 at 4:41 pm
I think that was a three-way tie, and good for you for biting the bullet and seizing the day. (Is that a record for number of cliches in one short sentence?)
Yay for the return (eventually) to mornings filled with sunlight!
Posted by Meghan on December 21, 2007 at 5:21 pm
Totally a draw. If the other two hesitated, it’s all you.
Happy holidays.
Posted by The Dutchess of Kickball on December 21, 2007 at 6:23 pm
If you were wearing your air-cast – which is easily hidden and makes you look like you are barely injured with just the one crutch – I would say you should go first as you are the less crippled of the three. If you had your boot cast on then it totally should have been the gentleman. As we have discussed in the past, there should be a very, very large fine for all inflated and deflated inflatable decorations.
I kind of miss the projection decorations that were big about 8 years ago or so. I liked those.
Posted by Aaron on December 21, 2007 at 6:48 pm
I would have just knocked the other two over and been on my merry way, because seriously: let the fast guy go first.
Heartlessness aside, I agree so wholeheartedly on the inflatables. They are nasty, tacky and dumb. In fact, I just had this convo over the weekend with someone (not to mention just posted a similar comment on Stefanie’s blog).
Posted by supersobe on December 21, 2007 at 7:12 pm
Inflatables look beautiful in one place and one place only: trailer parks.
Let me say this about pregnant women, they aren’t eating for two or walking for two – they are themselves and happen to have a tiny bean inside them. I can say this because I was one and even when my due date was nine days behind me and I was sporting 34 extra pounds, I still would have let the cripple go first. Then I would have gone but put my hand to block the door from closing so as to usher the man out.
Posted by Allie on December 21, 2007 at 10:07 pm
Wow, I’m glad supersobe said it, because I would have voted for the pregnant woman to hold the elevator door, but I’ve never been pregnant, so I wasn’t so sure about speaking up. I have, however, been on crutches, and even past the point of the injury feeling awful, crutches can be really awkward and hard to manage.
I am obviously not a fan of inflatable “decorations.” They are such an energy sucking waste and I get SO mad when people keep them up and lit all night too. I think people, I’m not saying me (cough, I would never do something like that) should dress up like bandits or pirates or Robin Hood and go around unplugging them.
Posted by nancypearlwannabe on December 21, 2007 at 11:49 pm
I concur. Down with inflatable decorations. I would’ve knocked the old man down to get out first.
Kidding. I would’ve knocked the pregnant lady down.
KIDDING! Geez.
Posted by Deb on the Rocks on December 22, 2007 at 1:54 pm
That’s a tricky puzzle, kind of like only having one piece of bread on a 3 seated boat with an old Chinese psychic, a young felon a terminally ill nun and a 3-legged pit bull.
But emotionally impossible? Yeah, baby, you gotta write!
Posted by Mariposa on December 23, 2007 at 6:18 pm
Hahaha, glad you just got in first…
Merry christmas to you…
Posted by rdl on December 24, 2007 at 10:20 pm
I’m with you, down with the inflatibles.
Have a very merry xmas!!
Posted by gregorymeyer on December 25, 2007 at 1:16 am
pregnant people give birth to beans? is that where beans come from? that’s why i’ve been worrying about birth control? i like beans, but not on my burritos. hold the door, preggers.
Posted by gregorymeyer on December 25, 2007 at 1:16 am
ps – merry christmas!
Posted by Candy on December 26, 2007 at 10:42 am
Ugh, I would have felt the same discomfort and done the same thing. I hate those awkward silent moments.
What really ticks me off is when men pretend not to know they are the holders. Always makes me want to ask, ‘Mowgli, what kind of she-wolf raised you??”
Posted by Erikka on December 27, 2007 at 12:05 pm
Hm…what a paradox…i think you should have looked them both in the eye, said READY? 1…2…3…GO! and everyone dash to see who got out first.
I don’t think you were wrong for going first if no one else was moving.
How funny that all of you were probably thinking the same thing…unless the pregnant woman was thinking about having to go to the bathroom from the little feet in her bladder and the old guy thought he was back in ‘Nam. Who knows.
DOWN with INFLATABLES!!!!
Posted by Laurel on December 27, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Dude, the inflatables have got to go. I will add to your list that the white inflatables and / or white sections of multicolor inflatables get dingy very quickly and look totally crappy.
Hope you had a very Merry Christmas, Noelle!
Posted by Lara on December 28, 2007 at 9:51 am
I HATE THOSE STUPID INFLATABLE LAWN ORNAMENTS!!! (Also, I never thought to call them ornaments! Instead I just referred to them as “those hideous blow-up things”. Clearly, you are smarter than me.)
I hope your Christmas was lovely!
Posted by BOSSY on December 30, 2007 at 7:54 pm
Bossy is trying to get all clever by commenting on a different post about what you have written about further above – but please know warm thoughts and wishes are with you. And a positiveness that things will be OK.
Posted by Hope on January 1, 2008 at 11:37 am
Thank you for addressing inflatable (sp?) Christmas decorations for one’s yard. They are heinous and need to be stopped. If you start a committee to do so I’ll join.
Posted by Physical Therapy Colorado on February 17, 2009 at 10:20 am
That is a good question about “who goes first”. My two cents, depends. What are cope out.
How pregnant is the lady, how impaired are you, how poorly does the elderly gentleman move?
The one that has the most trouble moving should go first.