Update on the doctor’s appointment today:
It was another drive-by appointment by the mean doctor who doesn’t like making eye contact, caring about patients, or delivering good news. Within moments of breezing into the room and shaking my hand while looking at the x-rays, he declared me safe to put weight on my foot. Here’s a snipet of dialogue: (after waiting almost an hour and a half for my appointment, the first of the day, to start)
Mean Doctor: Have you been swimming?
Noelle: No, because when the waters are troubled, I have no man to put me in the pool. (Translation for those of you who didn’t go to Sunday School and have random Bible stories stuck in your subconscious, and what I actually said: You told me I can’t drive, and I don’t have anyone willing to get up at 5:30 in the morning to take me.)
MD: Well, you won’t be driving for another 3 to 4 weeks.
N: That’s not good. I live alone, you see, and I don’t have another way of getting around.
MD: (giving me and my dad in the corner, who DID wake up at 5:30 this morning to drive me from New Jersey where I spent the weekend a “well you got here today, didn’t you” look) I don’t give diagnoses based on your living conditions.
N: Do you really think it’s unsafe for me to drive? (hint: I already did!)
MD: If you got into an accident, I’m not going to get up on the stand and testify that I told you you can drive. In today’s litigious society it’s not safe (for my medical practice) for you to drive for another three to four weeks. I know that patients do it against medical advice, but that’s not my problem.
N: Okay, fine I get it (I’m totally driving to work today, jerk.) So, other than that, I’ve noticed that, um, I can see the head of the two pins in my ankle through my skin here and here. Is that normal?
MD: Yes, and I don’t take out hardware. The worst surgeries I’ve ever had are the ones where I’ve taken out hardware. Some people do it. I don’t. Some people believe in Santa Claus. I don’t. Some people whine about being 30 and single and not able to drive. I don’t. But that’s because I’m a world renowned spinal surgeon and you are wasting my time with your piddling broken ankle. I fix these in my sleep. (The parts in italics were what writers call SUBTEXT.)
N: So what do I do now?
MD: (as he walks out the door) The rude nurse will get you a new cast and here’s a prescription for physical therapy and you can walk now see me (pay me) again in three to four weeks. (closes door.)
N: (looks at Dad, verifies that he feels just as drove-by.) So I guess I don’t need this boot anymore?
Rude Nurse: (walks in, overhearing) I wouldn’t throw that out if I were you. She’s going to try doing more than we tell her to do and she’s going to hurt herself and she’s going to have to go back to the boot, like ALL THE OTHERS. Here’s an air cast. It fits inside your shoe.
N: I don’t have a right shoe with me. I haven’t worn a right shoe since November 1st.
RN: (rolling eyes) We still have to fit it to you today. (points to where Noelle is supposed to put her heel.)
N: (Giggles at the heel pad features a smiley face-foot, gets no reaction from the Rude Nurse.) Sorry, that just struck me as funny. I’m nervous. Sorry.
RN: Okay, you’re all set. Here are the directions. DON’T GO DRIVING!!!! (walks out the door.)
N: Wait! Am I supposed to start walking now?
RN: If he said so, then yes. Use it or lose it.
N: But, am I supposed to keep this air cast on all the time? Even when I sleep?
RN: Why would you do that?
N: Because when I got the boot cast, I was told to wear it all the time, even when I sleep. If I didn’t have to do that… Well, it was annoying.
RN: (shrugs shoulders in a way that mostly means “no, you don’t have to,” walks out the door.)
N: (to no one in particular) Am I still walking on crutches? Do I just walk out of here? Do I wear this in my sleep? What the hell just happened?
After all that, I realized that even though I’m allowed to walk right now, I can’t walk right now. Six weeks of atrophied muscles make walking feel a lot like I have constant pins and needles in my heel. I’ve attempted to take a few steps without support, and it’s nigh impossible. I have physical therapy on Tuesday night, and I’m hoping to get some pointers on the whole walking thing at that time. I re-booted myself to make my way out of the doctor’s office, and to the police station where I signed up for a handicapped parking permit. I’ll get that in the mail about two to three weeks before I’m allowed to drive.
After the appointment, Dad took me back to the cottage, and did the awesome fatherly favor of getting the thick layer of ice off the Saturn. Then, (after a quick tutorial on the location of the parking brake) he pulled out of its icy parking spot and into the driveway. From there, he went to the right, towards New Jersey, and I went to the left, towards work, because we concurred that the doctor cleared me to drive. He just didn’t clear me to have an accident. And my little seven to eight minute drive to work, and the freedom to come and go when I please, it makes me So Happy. And unlike the people I paid a $20 co-pay to today, we believe that happiness is the key to healing fast. That, and driving really, really carefully…
Posted by Allie on December 17, 2007 at 10:27 pm
Oh man! Would it kill them to be a little compassionate? Isn’t that why people supposedly go into nursing and doctoring — to help people?
But congrats on driving!!!! That’s so exciting.
It’s amazing how good those 3 little miles make me feel.
Posted by Jess on December 18, 2007 at 12:17 am
The best doctors apparently live in Minnesota. I love the doctors I’ve seen here. I would see my regular doctor once a month just for the conversation if I could get someone to pay for it. He’s all into the arts and is a professor and has a weekly spot on public radio. Okay, so maybe it’s a little closer to a crush, but he would have made sure you didn’t have any questions before he left the room!
Wow, that must be a nice feeling.
Posted by Aaron on December 18, 2007 at 12:20 am
Is it redundant and/or a waste of comment space to say doc and nurse are douche royales? Because seriously.
On the plus side, go you and your driving. It won’t be long before you’re Bourne Identity-ing the hell out of the freeways of NY, and then you can drive right through the front window of the stupid-ass doctor’s office.
If only… He’s got a 4th floor office. Besides, one of the doctors in the practice was actually quite nice.
Posted by Candy on December 18, 2007 at 6:27 am
Doctors suck. I know no good ones. You would think someone who spends that much time in school trying to get to do what they want would enjoy it more. Shit, all I do is type for a living, which required virtually no school, and I manage to have a decent time.
I do have to give a shout-out to my primary and my gyno, who are both awesome. And, all the nurses who were on call when I was in the hospital. I don’t think it’s insignificant that they were all women. I think there may be some kind of connection…
Posted by nancypearlwannabe on December 18, 2007 at 8:32 am
I hate when doctors and nurses are vague and unhelpful. It’s like they think we must all have gone to medical school, but if we had, we would not be paying them the ridiculous salaries to tell us information on HOW TO MAKE US BETTER.
Also, it’s disturbing to me that it only takes six weeks for muscles to atrophy into non-use. I’m pretty sure I’ve used up about three of those weeks just playing xbox.
Girl, it was atrophied within 2 weeks. It’s seriously a scary thing.
Posted by The Dutchess of Kickball on December 18, 2007 at 8:54 am
So wait, let me understand correctly. You are supposed to put this ginormous thing IN YOUR SHOE??? Where is your foot supposed to go?
They said “just use a wide shoe” which narrowed my selection down to one pair of ratty old sneakers. I guess I’ll be wearing these for the next few months, because seriously, how am I supposed to get a new pair of shoes if I’m not allowed to drive?
Posted by stilettoheights on December 18, 2007 at 9:01 am
who the hell is this awful doctor of yours “House”
I like your subtext….I think you should write a movie based on this and some smarmy jerk like Clive Owen would play your doctor
The big difference is that I find both Hugh Laurie and Clive Owen sexy. That would be okay.
Posted by 3carnations on December 18, 2007 at 9:11 am
Talk about bedside manner…Yikes. Did he really say “Some people believe in Santa Claus. I don’t.” That part wasn’t italicized…
Have you considered another doctor?
Yes. and yes.
Posted by mickey on December 18, 2007 at 9:32 am
Wow. Just wow.
Aaron- Can I start using the term douche royale? Dig it.
And Hugh and Clive would be my kinds of guys too, if I were into guys. Is that saying too much? Eh, I’m secure.
I like guys who aren’t into guys who are into guys.
Posted by stefanie on December 18, 2007 at 9:54 am
Oh, man. I will say it again. Despite anything anyone says about national health care, it CANNOT be any worse than that!!
So sorry what is already a frustrating and pain-in-the-ass experience isn’t being made any better by the people who are supposed to be HELPING you.
Suddenly I have the urge to break into a chorus of “Do they know it’s Christmas?”
The thing I hate the most is that he’s right. He’s just so mean about it.
Posted by lizgwiz on December 18, 2007 at 10:30 am
I’ve never known an orthopedist who had a good bedside manner. They just want to fix the bones, damn it. And be worshipped (or paid) like the gods they are.
My physical therapist was great, though. Very nice. Easy on the eyes. I hope yours will be, too.
As far as the religion of orthopedic surgeons goes, I’m a non-believer. And yes, the therapists are great. And sort of not bad looking.
Posted by Laurel on December 18, 2007 at 10:55 am
Those doctors suck. I have had pretty good medical experiences in NYC, but sometimes you just want to shake them and be like, “I know I’m ankle injury / bad hayfever / acne / stomach ache number 30 for you today, but I have to deal with this all day long!” It’s a pity the nurse wasn’t good either. Sometimes they’re the human ones.
Yeah, this nurse, I think she thinks highly of herself because she is the nurse to the godly spinal surgeon. They’re like Kate and Jack of Lost. But fat and ugly.
Posted by EvilKate on December 18, 2007 at 11:10 am
I’m sorry mean Dr. sucks. Maybe you could find out what day he doesn’t work and then go in on that day.
I have a theory that he didn’t like me because I once saw a different doctor in the practice.
Posted by supersobe on December 18, 2007 at 11:38 am
I am way behind on blogs but I read on FunkyCarter before it disappeared (I know, PANIC!) that you’re driving and wanted to congratulate you!!!! I’ll catch up more later.
Just back from a long weekend in Chicago, lots of email and laundry to catch up on.
I’m glad you’re back!
Posted by Erikka on December 18, 2007 at 12:52 pm
What is wrong with some medical professionals today!?@?! Seeing a doctor for a broken ankle which you cannot magically heal yourself should not have to be so painful and unproductive. Why do doctors not have to earn credits or a certification in POSITIVE PATIENT INTERACTIONS or something? Geesh. Sorry for having to deal with that shit Noelle. I guess you’re going to have to plant some magic beans, find a giant and hope he can tell you how to use your air cast.
The more I thought about it, the grumpier I’ve gotten today. I just hope good things come of PT tonight.
Posted by Erikka on December 18, 2007 at 12:52 pm
ps. can you give us the name and address of this doctor so we can send him letters of concern and boycott?
Only if I can find the home address of the one particular doctor.
Posted by -R- on December 18, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Wow. I commend you for not throwing your crutch at the doctor or the nurse (especially in today’s litigious society).
PS Cute sock.
I’m glad you like the sock. I thought its whimsical nature would put the medical people in a better mood. Not so.
Posted by Brando on December 18, 2007 at 2:17 pm
He doesn’t have time for whimsy, Noelle. He’s a doctor, damn it! People put their joints in his hands!
Sorry he was such a tool. Good luck with the therapy.
The worst thing is that everything he said was technically true. It was just so completely without bedside manner.
Posted by Brando on December 18, 2007 at 2:41 pm
I forgot to mention that the Subtext line made me laugh out loud.
I’m glad!
Posted by Mariposa on December 18, 2007 at 3:00 pm
Freaking unbelievable…doctors are supposed to be compassionate…all my doctors are! On the other side, this post in some way…made me LOL…
Good luck on your therapy…hope total recovery will be sooner than what you’re expecting!
I’m glad you laughed, because there should be some joy, by someone around here.
Posted by 3carnations on December 18, 2007 at 3:01 pm
Following your link, I can see that the problem is one of these two things:
1. Your injury is not spine related, thus unbearably boring for someone as fancy schmancy as him.
2. Kickball is not as hardcore as rugby, therefore your injury can’t possibly be as painful as injuries HE has sustained during his athletic activities.
I can’t explain the nurse, though. Probably years of working with the doctor.
I felt the same way about 1 and 2. And 3, actually.
Posted by rdl on December 18, 2007 at 6:46 pm
you poor thing. another case of poor/no bed side manner. I had one of those encounters a couple of weeks ago, practical ran out of the room but not before having words with the pompous ass.
I should have had words. Instead, I’m relying on the passive aggressive approach of him using trackback to find this post.
Posted by JK on February 13, 2009 at 11:13 pm
LOL. I just got my cast off yesterday and my doctor was the same exact way. Always talking about lawsuits. He never gave me a straight answer. I was/and still am so frustrated!! Reading blogs like yours has given me more information than my doctor. He kept saying, “your ankle will talk to you and you will talk to your ankle”. I wish we could sue for bad bedside manors…lawsuits seem to be the only way to get their attention.