I’m in Baltimore at the moment, attending a trade show for booksellers. A lot of the business we do is centered around food service, as there is a gathering of some sort for almost all of our meals. It’s gotten me thinking about how I have this need to rehearse my order before the server comes to me. In these trade show banquets, it’s tricky because I need to order the vegetarian meal at precisely the moment the fast-moving server tries to put a plate of rubber chicken in front of me, because once that plate has made contact with the table, it is too late to turn back. So while I’m supposed to be chatting and creating relationships with my table mates, all that is going through my head is “could I have the vegetarian plate, please” over and over, like an actor learning lines. I know I need to say this line loudly and clearly to prevent disaster. This is also true at weddings.
It’s also true at fast moving delis, where I stand in line thinking only, “egg and cheese on a whole wheat bagel, pepper, no salt, ketchup on the side, ” or “munster cheese on a roll, lettuce, tomato, yes, that is it.” Because if I’m not ready, and I get called on and drop a line, who knows what I will get. Something nasty no doubt.
This morning, I decided to treat myself to my once-a-month Dunkin Donuts breakfast, so I walked from my hotel room to the two blocks through a maybe not-so-nice part of the city. I stood in line for about 10 minutes, practicing my order the whole time. I got to my turn, delivered the lines perfectly, and was served a delicious meal. I reached for my wallet to pay, and realized to my horror that I had removed my cash and credit cards to carry on my person during last night’s festivities, and that they were still sitting snugly in my pants from last night. I was like an actress who knew her lines perfectly, delivering an otherwise Oscar-caliber performance in the category of ordering breakfast, who got screwed out of her dreams by the props department.
12 responses so far ↓
Hope // October 15, 2007 at 9:12 am
I hope Baltimore is treating you well. I assume you are stuck down at the Inner Harbor…I hope you get to get out of that area and into the cooler ones a little…
I feel ya on the ordering. I go to the Starbucks near my house almost everyday (sad I know) and everyday I get to the counter and go: “Um….” I order the SAME THING EVERYDAY. I would say it’s the hour- my brain doesn’t operate at full capacity until at least 10am, but…it happens all day (at Chipotle…at the pizza place…basically anywhere I have to order something) so…maybe I have an Order Placing Disorder? Is there a support group for that?
I was down by the Harbor, but I was in the hotel most of the time. It was quite nice. We can start that support group if you want.
3carnations // October 15, 2007 at 9:28 am
Oh no! So you didn’t get your breakfast? Didn’t they say “Your credit’s good here?” Or didn’t some kindly millionaire say “I’ll get that for you ma’am?” NOT a good start to the day…
There was a big sign on the register that said “YES OUR CREDIT CARDS ARE NOT WORKING TODAY.”
stefanie // October 15, 2007 at 9:33 am
A few weeks ago, I spent 45 minutes in the dress department at Macy’s trying things on and going back and forth in indecisiveness about which one to buy, only to get to the cash register and realize that the $50 Macy’s gift card (the whole reason I came to Macy’s in the first place) was sitting on my desk at home. Grr. So, you know, I feel your pain.
I always forget the Macy’s coupons when I go, and I ain’t never paying full price at Macy’s.
lizgwiz // October 15, 2007 at 10:07 am
I have very specific phrases I use to order, too. I’ve found if I vary it even just a little, I risk getting meat. “Biscuit with egg and cheese, please, NO MEAT.” “Breakfast burrito with tater tots inside INSTEAD OF MEAT.” Etc.
I know where you’re coming from!
Yeah, sometimes you have to emphasize what you don’t want.
nancypearlwannabe // October 15, 2007 at 10:24 am
Burn. I’ve totally done that too, it’s always after going out the night before. At least it was Dunks and not, like, some fancy restaurant.
This is true. Plus it’s an establishment I’ll likely never again visit.
BOSSY // October 15, 2007 at 11:34 am
Boy- when it comes to ordering you’ve got quite the Quick-draw.
You have to if you want to survive in this town.
-R- // October 15, 2007 at 12:28 pm
I don’t think I have done that, although I have ordered and then not had enough money before. Just thinking about it causes me to break out in a cold sweat.
I practice my order in my head too.
Yeah, this wasn’t a matter of “I guess I won’t have the soda, then.” It was cut-and-run. Oh, and yeay! Your comment worked again!
Jennifer M. // October 15, 2007 at 12:31 pm
That’s it, blame the propsmaster even though the actor should be double checking that everything is set properly in case the propsmaster got hit by a bus! As for the banquet thing, I would say find something to stick on the table where the plate would go (such as your elbows) so that the server has to pause before giving you the chicken, that way he won’t be stepping on your lines.
Of course, you well know that I was the propmaster in most of those plays.
kir // October 15, 2007 at 1:08 pm
i do the same thing… always rehearsing in my head so i don’t end up with bread, croutons or anything wheaty. it’s unnerving. thankfully, society has become more accepting of my kind and the strange looks have subsided, somewhat.
Yes, it’s a fine line between being picky like Meg Ryan and not dying from an allergic reaction.
Aaron // October 15, 2007 at 1:34 pm
Next time, Christmas Tree, grab the sandwich and run.
I would have, but the lady behind the counter looked too fast for me.
rdl // October 15, 2007 at 9:35 pm
Oh No!!
I just order, then change my mind.
That happens too sometimes.
evilkate // October 16, 2007 at 1:18 pm
This is so sad. I would have looked around helplessly…and hoped that someone stepped up. I would like to think that I’d do that if I saw someone standing at the counter with the, “oh my god” look on her face. Just think of how much faith in your fellow DunkinDonuter that would have restored.
I just turned and ran.
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