The Daily Tannenbaum

Some awesome kickball friends showed up at my get-together on Saturday night (You know, the one with so much extra alcohol we thought Jesus has showed up.) Birmingham was planning on coming as soon as he finished tiling his mother’s bathroom floor. (While she was at church, repenting for getting me drunk.) Around 6:00 he called me to say, “How mad would you be, exactly, if I didn’t make it to your party?” (He decided it was easier to deal with the wrath of me than the wrath of his mother.) Even after I reminded him that I had been told, “I’ll do anything you want if you just _____…” and then I had done _____ not 24 hours hence, he still decided to blow off my party. We even had a birthday hat waiting for him. So sad. I’m starting to worry that my real life friends are going to think that Birmingham is a character I made up for blogging purposes if he doesn’t start showing up every now and then.

Anyway, the party was a success without him, and we ate all his cupcakes. At some point in the night when we were all sitting around outside, I went in to replenish the pretzels. When I returned, my kickball friends, many who are horseback riding enthusiasts, were talking about women who are a little TOO enthusiastic about horses. If you know what I mean. One of my friends was saying, “I don’t even understand how someone could physically do _____ with a horse.”

Another responded, “Why would you want to?”

And I told them, “Women like to make love to horses because a horse won’t skip out on your party to tile his mother’s bathroom.”