The Daily Tannenbaum

I came home a few weeks ago to find all my neighbor’s stuff on the front lawn and a sheriff standing in the driveway. My neighbors, who room together in the 3 bedroom, 1 bath Colonial attached to my cottage, had a fight with each other, so the one decided to move out. He put all his stuff on the lawn while waiting for his friend to come with a pick-up truck. Despite the fact that my neighbors are great neighbors (they always turn the light on for me when I come home late and feed my cats when I travel) they are known to kick back a few too many and fight like bloody hell. I assumed that the sheriff was on the scene because one of them had called the cops on the other.

This was not the case, however. Someone else on the property (either the landlesbian or the waterlesbian) had called the police after seeing a bear in the backyard. The bewildered sheriff sort of poked around the backyard, I don’t know, looking for clues or something, while the neighbor who was not moving out shut herself in the Room Where John Lennon Once Slept. The sheriff looked at me and told me to call if I saw any other suspicious bear-related activity. Or any drug related activity for that matter, or any kind of activity that would make life for a Dutchess County officer of the peace interesting. I told him that with 80 acres of woods behind the house, I wasn’t too worried if actual wildlife lived there, but I would keep it in mind to call if he got bored again.

At that point, the exiled neighbor came by muttering that he was going to “kill her” in reference to his now former roommate, and this made the sheriff’s ears perk up a little bit. But I think we all knew it was an idle threat, much like the bear sighting.

Besides, between my cat and the neighbor’s six cats, I think we’re going to be pretty safe:

Read the related story, a cat chases a bear up a tree.

And for those of you who haven’t been reading since February 23, 2006 (like -R-) yes, John Lennon Slept Here