AKA the random raunchy Thursday post about poop. The easily offended should leave now.
- I have no idea what we were supposed to be discussing, in an eight grade health class, one of the bubbly, smart, but not brilliant popular girls blurted out that when women go #2, they should always wipe, “The way that feels uncomfortable.” In the ensuing years, I have heard others mention this front-to-back rule which prevents the bacteria from a woman’s hoo-hoo from getting into her hoo-ha. Reasonable enough. The thing is, since that day almost fifteen years ago, I have thought of that girl every single time I’ve wiped my ass. Every single time. This was one of the many reasons I needed to skip my 10 year reunion. Well, that and the fact that our class president was unable to perform his reunion-organizing doodies because he was in jail.
- I just saw a manifesto on a blog: You wouldn’t clean your plates with a dry paper towel, so why dry wipe your tushy?
- I’ve been going to a yoga class regularly for a while, and I really love it. The thing is, vegetarian diet can = excess gas, and all that contorting really stirs up the gut. Because I try and manage some sense of decorum around strangers, I do my best to hold it in. As soon as the hour and a half is up, when I’m feeling all nice and relaxed and in my happy place, I make a beeline for the door and the moment I’m outside, I let off the world’s largest bowel shaking fart. It’s my favorite part of Tuesday evening.
- Politicians are like dirty diapers, they should be changed often, and usually for the same reason.
- My boss used to work for a company that makes my favorite brand of T.P. He often talks about his experiences at that company, and when I look at my reserve rolls of paper in the bathroom I think of him. I haven’t told him this yet, but I’m sure I’ll blurt it out someday.
- Are you ever completely positive that you’ve dropped the kids off in the pool only to look back and find the toilet completely empty? Is it possible to have such a dense turd that it finds its way to the drain without a flush?
- That’s funny, I don’t remember eating corn.
- Sometimes, at night, I dream I’m a bird, flying and dropping in on the President.
