A phone conversation this weekend with my landlady:
Me: Hi landlady! Since you got mad when I didn’t report my broken shower to you right away, I want to let you know that my sink is completely backed up right now.
Crazy Landlady: Well, what have you done to fix it?
Me: Besides call you because it’s your job to get it fixed, I’ve plunged, I’ve tried baking soda and vinegar, and I’ve plunged some more. I’ve spent all week cleaning the cottage, and the sink is the one thing I can’t fix.
CL: That’s good, it’s important to me that you love the cottage. Have you tried using a plunger?
Me: Only for 15 straight minutes using all my might.
CL: Maybe you should try plunging it.
Me: Can you please call in a plumber, because I think it needs professional help, it’s completely clogged.
CL: Well, please don’t put drano down the sink again.
Me: Just to let you know, one more time, it was the people who lived here before me who used drano once a month, not me.
CL: (Long, long, long pause…) What is your work address?
Me: Why do you need that?
CL: You told my friend that you’re always away so I need to know where I can contact you.
(note: after I told her my shower had been broken for over a month, the landlady’s friend called me to let me know that my landlady is upset that it took me so long to report the problem, and I told her it’s only because I don’t use the shower that often because I often shower at the gym or at Birmingham’s and I’m not really home that much.)
Me: (sigh, give her my work address and phone number) But please, use my cell phone because I don’t want to bother my co-workers while I’m having crazy talk with you.
CL: (long pause) What?
Me: Just please, try me on my cell phone first. If you leave a message, you only have to do it once, I’ll get it. Also, I wanted to let you know that the driveway’s going to need to be re-stoned because the plows knocked all the stones to the side during the storms this winter.
CL: They’re not supposed to do that.
Me: I don’t think they meant to remove all the stones, but doesn’t that just happen when you plow a stone driveway?
CL: I don’t understand.
Me: All the stones that were on the driveway are on the grass, leaving only mud. It needs to be fixed. It’s worse on your side of the driveway.
CL: On my side?
Me: Yes, when you come up here again in the spring, you’ll find that your side of the driveway is completely muddy, the plows knocked all the stones away.
CL: They shouldn’t have done that.
Me: So, you’ll have the plumber here to fix the sink?
CL: (long pause) If you’re sure you’ve plunged it, I’ll call him.
Me: I’m sure. I really need to go now.
CL: I’m really, quite moved that you thought to call me about this problem. I do hope that you enjoy living in the cottage.
Me: I would love it even more if the dishwater went away, like it’s supposed to.
CL: Okay, much love! (click)
Me: …
